We heard there's hoes out, so we brought the cars out.

These kids went on to becomes leaders in the field of Active Center Differential pump replacement.

Went to my first Pens game in quite some time last night. Had a great seat. Game stunk but it was still better than not being at a playoff game. Those defensive breakdowns just hit different in the post-season.

This game felt like Mike Tomlin coached it.

Weird how taking the last week of the regular season off and inserting guys into the lineup who haven't played in a month makes a team look kind of rusty. Better hope it doesn't take more than a game to snap out of this.

tell your friends about fauxname.bluesky.whateverthefuckthisplacecallsit

Prior to this he was posting a shutout. AKA Vladar love

LET'S GO!!!!!

Just bought a single seat for game 2 against the Flyers three rows back from ice. It's been a minute since I went to a playoff game, figured I'd treat myself.

I honestly haven't spoken to a single person that plans to attend any of it. The overwhelming sentiment is "I plan on being away that weekend". This whole thing reminds me of the G20 conference. Everyone avoided the city for a week.

I honestly don't watch or even care much about most sports anymore, but I still watch the Penguins somewhat religiously. Really happy to see them back in the playoffs.

a taco shell game....if you will.

Just my annual shoutout to the Starburst jellybeans that come with only the red flavors in the bag. You're the true star of the Easter candy aisle.

Not attending today's opener: Jason Kendall's franchise crushing contract

They didn't need to do this. They instead need to realize that this is the lone vehicle the company produces that isn't complete garbage and just be cool. Instead they are trying to tell us the family van needs gonads. They are literally fucking up a one car funeral.

I'm not sure what caused it, but for the last hour or so I fell into a Primus wormhole. Tommy The Cat is a mind boggling song.

Just playing old Jerky Boys skits over the phone to Trump. "My wife is sick and you give me COUPON?"

Hoping that Graceland toilet takes its second victim today.

What the ever living cocaine fueled black magic voodoo is going on in this hockey game?

Jesus, just saw the Pens score. I'm not sure whatever happened to Anthrax Jones, but I'm sure he's salty right now wherever he is.

Sure sign that I'm getting too old for SXSW, I've used up my weekly allotment of ibuprofen and I still have a day of this stuff left.

The good news: I finally watched at least one movie nominated for an Oscar this year. The bad news: it was the one with the dancing vampires.

Relaxing in my hotel room after a long travel day and all I can hear is some hip hop band set up in the courtyard below screaming "TITTIES! TITTIES! TITTIES!" over a bass groove. Welcome to Austin.

I am going to go to a dumb bar at dumb 11pm to watch a dumb F1 race because it's behind a dumb paywall and I refuse to subscribe to another dumb streaming service. At least there will be fried foods.

This is absolutely wonderful. Recommend watching it at least 6 times.

I have had enough Penguins game for tonight. The awful ESPN broadcast crew is making this at least ten times more painful than it needs to be.

Goal tender interference is just a vibe.

There was a team at music trivia last night named Bizarre Love Triangle Hoagie and that is such a fantastic yinzer reference.

A song with lyrics that include "I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding" is a bold yet accurate choice for BMW to use in a commercial. Pretty much explains anyone willing to buy an X3.

Dammit. I only practice bird law.