It only remains to find out who ate all the pies.

Spoiler. It was me.

Might be feeling a bit flaky at the moment.

I feel this might be me.

In a nutshell. 😊

The classik!

Excellent work 👏👏👏

They’re all cunts together? Fair point.

Tom’s books are wonderful and deserve to be more widely read. I’ve been the beneficiary of his generosity once before so it’d be cheating to ask again. But you definitely should.

My grandfather was a headmaster. I am not.

Can’t the lad just be a cunt in his own right?

I want the strip-tease music as the curtains close over my coffin, and then reopen, and the close and then cheekily half reopen to give a coy glimpse of brass handle.

I mean, if you have “My Way” at your funeral, it’s very much NOT your way.

You might as well have named her given no one knows who he is.

And it was her who gave the money.

And the story is about her.

That’s where the money is

The sheer lack of imagination represented by the assumption that war is inevitable tells you everything you need to know about these people. Without wars, how can they make money?

Gonz, during the Olympics, years ago, I was watching the dressage and a German rider and horse started their routine and I had to get my wife to confirm that the music was indeed the theme from Shaft because I couldn’t believe my ears

Magnificent thread

Early 60s here. You’re just starting an extensive collection.

On a related note, yoga genuinely helps.

Sciatica from carrying an eight year old who was “too tired” to cross the road.

I put my back out whilst wiping my arse.

Tucker and Buckley. Americans are weird.

That’s my stripper name

Gutting

It’s the first one isn’t it?

I immediately imagined and ice cream van selling fish and chips and I was totally with you. And then I realised that that was NOT what you meant by “hot fish man”

I feel this says more about my predictions than yours

100% child-abduction vibes

Looshkin yells, “Hit it with spoons!”

“Hit it with spoons” is a family standard response to unexpected problems

Really enjoying @theresthistory.bsky.social ep. 233: The Loch Ness Monster.

Wonderful stuff as ever except the terrible pronunciation.

“Lock Ness”

*shudders*

You feel a little underwhelming slipping a condom on after that don’t you?

Can you hear noises from the toilets in the office?

“How much can you hear from the toilets in the office?”