Haha!!!

The kids don’t yet have the abstract thought needed for jokes so they’ve latched onto a knock-knock joke where the tag line is “it’s cold out here, let me in!” So, like:
— Knock knock
——— Who’s there?
— Water
——— Water who?
— IT’S COLD OUT HERE, LET ME IN HAHAHAHAHA

I tried it last week and it was WONDERFUL!!

I’m so sorry, Mindi. 💔

I keep meaning to use this site more bc I know that Twitter may very well permanently break on any given day, but change is hard.

I think a pretty good prank on trick or treaters is to give one of them a whole cake. Because they’ll think they just hit the jackpot, but now they have to carry around a whole ass cake for the rest of the night. And if they’re a real small kid, they’re almost certainly going to drop it.

A circular ornament with Bernie Sanders sitting on a folding chair with his mittens, a mask, and a Santa hat.

Ohh I did this last year and it was delightful! This is the one I got last year.

I am here at my appointment 35 minutes early bc the timer I set to do …something??… before I needed to leave went off and I automatically got up and headed out the door bc 95% of the timers I set are to remind myself to stop working and leave

My husband’s self-reported superpower is being able to tell which panties I’m wearing by touching my butt

I got it 🙌

I’m dying bc I need to get it fixed TODAY bc I’m flying to a work thing tomorrow and I got this mani specifically bc of the work thing 😭

A picture of Caden’s manicure, with the middle finger’s nail broken

Crisis has struck

It’s good! Definitely coffee-y but you could also add an extra shot of espresso. I got a 4-pack at Walmart when I first tried them.

Very yum!

Premier Protein cafe latte drink carton

One of these bad boys with a splash of creamer! 😎

I’m flying to Atlanta tomorrow morning for a work conference that lasts through Sunday evening and I have so much to do before I leave 😭

I can always tell when my brother-in-law’s wife, who is absolutely insane, has our mother-in-law blocked again because my poor mother-in-law starts sending me more Pinterest links

Maslow’a hierarchy of needs On the ‘basic needs’ are fairness at the bottom, then winning On psychological needs are television and poop jokes On self-fulfillment needs are “food I guess”

maslow’s hierarchy of needs according to my children

me, adhd haver, eating a meal with many small accompaniments:

yes!! hahaha yeah!!!

me, the same adhd haver, *preparing* a meal with more than two ingredients:

[weeping] we were never meant to count to three

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs

Epic beard!!

A selfie of Caden. She has brown hair streaked with gray and is wearing a blue shirt.

Since I can’t participate in Twitter Selfie Sunday, I’m doing my own here! Reply or quote with a selfie of your beautiful, worthy, accepted self so I can give you a virtual Mom Hug™! 🥰

Um, I mean, they were DISGUSTING and I’m so glad your tastebuds were spared the torture!

Injustice!! Holding space for you during this time. There is no comparison to their wondrous taste.

What!! They were my new fav. 😭😭😭

Me, trying to explain the price of fresh fruit to my 3 y/o 😂😂😂

your secret is safe with me because there was a moderate amount of background noise so i only absorbed 1/3 of it and chose not to say “what?” to get you to repeat it a couple more times

I have girlbossed too close to the sun by doing too a good job on a case and now the fate of a $2M contract is going to be thwarted by my lack of desire to drive to Tampa. 🙃

This is exactly what I need because I have a big collection of vinyl crafting stuff that I haven’t touched in…um… a while.