*book cover*

image of a coffee mug on a discount shelf. It reads THE FUTURE IS and the bottom has been covered with a red discount sticker that reads REDUCED FOR QUICK SALE $2.

olive juice

*sets bluesky counter back to zero*

it's only a faux pas if it's from the faux pas region of france, otherwise it's just a sparkling oopsie

me: I can't tell you how long I've been waiting

clock repairman: please stop saying that, I'm doing my best

Britney Spears will be the Victor Wembanyama girl to me, for 2 months and 3 weeks.

Got a new shirt

Which door do I take?

Why would you think that?

Sphere in Las Vegas with the Windows Blue Screen of Death photoshopped over it

sphere in Vegas looks great

Dear Darla,
I hate your stinking guts

Blue sky, but instead of community notes, it’s just me responding with random facts about turtles

Aslong as there’s a corn dog stand

I don’t identify as a bartender, I’m a barterian.

Throwing words at the wall and hoping the spaghetti sticks

who wants to come over and play roller coaster tycoon?

thinker tailor soldier spy

Who wants to mosh at the shrek rave

Violently not in the mood rn

Except I’m the girlfriend

Twitter just became an ex

Me when I drink an ipa