Might drop some acid and go hit on the sad-eyed waitress at Denny’s again.

Don’t come at me with your anecdotes. I’m not even poisoned.

I just want everyone to know how much more I love books than people.

Still Photo from original Star Trek TV show. Spock stands by as Bones, Kirk and Scotty convulse in ways that look like they’re playing air guitar.

Spock waited, knowing it was a complete waste of time trying to get them to leave before “More Than a Feeling” was over.

Sorry about the space-time continuum rift. I logged out of Bluesky to answer a phone call from a Twitter friend.

Found that I had not one, but TWO Far Side page-a-day calendars (1995 & 1999) so that's my kids' inheritance sorted.

[me, waking up in a cold sweat] the Safety Dance had absolutely nothing to do with safety

One of the ugliest guys you know still feels the need to announce, “Would,” whenever a beautiful woman walks by. Like, yeah, we know.

Before Wikipedia, if you wanted to find out more than you cared to know about a band you had to wait for VH1 to make a “Behind the Music” about them

I just bought two dolphins on the dark web

Please excuse my absence, I slipped and fell into a What's The Fucking Point Why Even Bother

You can't hurt me, I survived the wooden spoon discipline era.

If you gaze into the abyss long enough, someone will put advertising in it.

do you want to learn how to truly love and accept who you are? [two options] Yes! [or] No.

go fuck yourself

misuse of “per se” should come with jail time
use of finger quotes in conjunction with said misuse should warrant the death penalty

born miserable a channel devoted to all my work on social media - speed drawings, tweet songs, parodies, so on and more

ATTENTION: I have a new YouTube channel which will feature my archive of speed drawings, tweet songs, and more; this channel will focus on what I did on Twitter and what I plan to continue here; uploaded now is a teaser and the first speed drawing I did back in 2016

www.youtube.com/@bornmiserab...

just when you think you’ve found the dumbest motherfucker, a voice in your head tells you “there is another”

I hope you overflow the toilet at your new girlfriends house

No offense,
but if you’re under 35
We don’t speak the same language

Not now. Hotel California's on the radio and I'm singing the guitar solo.

Microdosing Wikipedia by making shit up.

*clears throat, holds up megaphone*

Just because you are particular about some things doesn’t mean you have obsessive compulsive disorder. Thank you.

I have my own music. Stand outside my house holding a cheesecake over your head.

my ottoman is a basket of folded laundry

We should change the spelling of restaurant to restraunt. Enough with the sharade.