Matt Damon playing a 14th century French knight that looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Mullet. Beard. Smells like horse shit, pine tar, and cigarette smoke.

Matt Damon while playing Odysseus who also looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Long, skinny beard. Smells like horseshit, pine tar, and perhaps Mediterranean herbs.

Matt Damon playing a 19th century cowboy that looks like a third baseman for the Phillies. Mustache. Shaggy hair. Smells like horse shit, pine tar, and definitely chewing tobacco.

Every time Matt Damon takes on a period role he ends up looking like a third baseman for the Phillies.

impossible to overstate how poisonous this shit is. dudes on the street smiling and waving at your toddler are an indicator of a happy and functional community

I feel like enough time has passed to officially put this in the “dad movie hall of fame. This is the sort of thing dads will happily watch on TNT for the next twenty years

The cycle of "he gets frustrated, I get frustrated that he's frustrated, I realized he was frustrated because he get it from me" happens daily, I would say. Very humbling, having this small mirror around all the time.

Officially, I've only adopted two storm drains outside directly outside my place. Today, I temporarily adopted six more that are upstream from my location in the Fernwood neighborhood. #Milwaukee #MMSD #AdoptAStormdrain

www.adoptyourdrain.com

And the woman did speak unto the hound, saying, What do you mean, normal men, and the hound answered the woman, saying, We are just innocent men. And great was her emotion

Did I cry just by reading an article about Matt crying? You better believe it.

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I appreciate those folks with the rakes trying to keep the drains cleared 🫡

incredible that the lifelong Catholic in this specific situation is The Pope

Tornado warnings? Don’t rely on sirens! Check these 5 lifesavers! 🌪️💡 #WeatherSafety #StayAlert #wiwx

Headline on Hollywood Reporter that reads ”Paddington 4, Escape From New York' Reboot in the Works”

I misread the headline as one movie and got very excited for a moment…

5 turtles tightly packed together on a log in a pond, sitting next to a mallard duck

Happy Monday to this duck who thinks he’s a turtle, at the pond by our house

The greatest painting every made, and it's of The Hamburglar.

something that wrinkles my brain every time I remember it is the fact that total eclipses are only possible on earth because the moon and sun appear to be the same size in our sky, due to the insanely, astronomically unlikely fluke that the moon is 400x smaller than the sun but 400x closer to us.

Screenshot of Elmo next to his pet's fishbowl in Elmo's World. The subtitles say "We. Dorothy's been thinking abou and down to what’s her daughter."

four birds in a cartoon from Sesame Street, with the caption reading "Oh, shit"

Another Sesame Street cartoon saying "Oh shit"

Screenshot of Big Bird in Hooper’s Store with live human Alan and a flying red bird. The subtitles read: "Time for the birth of terror. Me"

Do not watch Sesame Street on Tubi with the subtitles on 😭. I swear, I didn't edit or add anything. Is it hilarious? Yes, but also, they need to fix this immediately. Absolutely incomprehensible and bad

We present you with prairie dog Phred really enjoying his salad. 🥗

📹: Zookeeper Taylor T

A WHOLE CIVILIZATION WILL DIE TONIGHT My son needs lunch, and I have to put his backpack together, but a whole civilization will die tonight, so I'm wondering if they've closed their schools. Like, a snow day, maybe, except instead of snow it's "keep your children home so if you die, you die together" — instead of "well open back up once the plows have cleared" it's "we don't know if we'll be here tomorrow, hold your babies tight." It's just "talk" I'm told, which I've been told before. "It's how the president makes his deals." But I've never heard anyone talk about other human beings this way, and I'm not certain I can look my son in the eyes if we all agree to stomach it one more time. A civilization will die tonight, but as I zip up his backpack and kiss him off to school I think: if this is what we call leadership then I'm not entirely sure ours isn't already dead. @michaelfdubois Mukad A QuBoy @michacifdubois

Brutal.

I know I'm far from the first to post this, but: man, the burning gall of paying one's taxes today, after being openly told exactly what kind of sicko genocidal schemes they will be used to fund. Really? You want me to tally up what I owe you right now?

Huge day for @ridemcts.bsky.social. Tap to pay with a credit card is live.

No more remembering that the app for payment is inexplicably called Umo, lining up the QR code and hoping it would scan or needing to get a special card.

Just tap your credit card (or Apple Watch) and ride.

There we go, that's the answer.

tweet from Imagine A Guy guy who only knew jesus professionally: Honey, did you hear they CRUCIFIED our CARPENTER???

Jack White, Jack Black, and Marcello Hernández

Every man has had these three exact roommates

[reading a book in first person] i dont remember doing any of this

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early

astronaut: Office365 in spaceship

nasa employee: what?

astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* Office365 in spaceship

We look forward to it 🫡

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