Can’t. Conceiving of the strangest project ever imagined.

My glow-up will involve SO MUCH sinew.

I still think it’s funny the astrology girlies didn’t foresee a second moon this month.

I’m too busy not to be friendly.

iProle

I’m reading “1984” on an iPad. Doubleplusgood irony.

Can’t you just pander with the truth? It seems so much easier.

Turns out the cynics are the easiest to manipulate.

I wish my writing teacher could read me now.

It’s one I should have contemplated.

I’ll delete. Thank you for speaking up.

I’ll concede that. It wasn’t my intention but you’re right.

I’m a single dad. Not sure what the problem is.

Gonna roll up with fruit snacks, Go-Gurts, and water bottles primed for flipping. Finishing move is glow sticks and asking the little shits to recreate the fireworks.

Lol they expect me to work tomorrow

Rad. My 10-year-old is offering to be my wing man for the pretty neighbor lady.

All cause, no effect. All fuck around, no find out.

Me trynna fill out my timesheet.

I wonder what Princess Wounded Paw is gothing off about tonight.

I’m just not quite right today.

He was a disabled man who needed to communicate a destination to an Uber driver. I wrote it down for him.

Context

A man needed a pen today and all I had was my Pilot Metal Falcon.

Starting tomorrow I always carry a burner ballpoint.

I think it’s time to trade this beard for a goatee.

Rad. First bourbon moth of 2024.

Day 2,660 of What the Fuck Did You Expect?

In hindsight, I probably should have paid more attention to the people who don’t live in my phone.

Happy Expectations Day

Anytime I try to get healthy I feel a sense of guilt. It’s like I’m trying to gentrify my insides.

Fuck it. Might as well cross-post.