For balance, no. Kids are awful. Plus, I know most millennials will never be able to retire but if she spawns at 45, she'll still be rearing it in her 60s. #TheArchers

Tom 3: The Retomaning

I reckon the script writers just throw darts at a dictionary. #TheArchers

Old Man Gittins. Another classic Ambridge name. #TheArchers

All sexually active women in #TheArchers must get pregnant as punishment for their loose morals. It's the rule.

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"Dane seemed really upset." #TheArchers

Seconded!

Helen: Dad, I'm just here to make sure the anguses go and to see you to the new carehome I've booked you into.
#TheArchers

Nice. Not been to that one - bit of a trek from Kernow! Looks nice. Exam is on Thursday.

He won a bafta?? Was he playing a block of wood? #TheArchers

First grandson of a farmer, if that helps?

I know Adam's acting is always pretty bad but the "BUT. YOU. PROOOOOMM-IS-ED MEEEE!" what particularly spectacular. #TheArchers

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*Deep breath*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#TheArchers

Man, I can't believe you're bringing cancer down.

I abandoned my lunch to let the dog out because he was whining by the door. He went straight out, lay down and went to sleep.

All those others would be vox pox on the news saying "we never saw this coming, he always kept himself to himself" after an atrocity. #TheArchers

Rex is an awful drunk. And awful sober. Rex is awful. #TheArchers

Brian's legacy. By which he means male child. #TheArchers

Yeah, that's actually not a new made up back story... #TheArchers

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Why's Chris suddenly had a 360 on his personality? Oooh, maybe he's plotting to kill Rex! #TheArchers

I suspect Patricia Greene has probably slowed down a bit on the work now. She is in her mid 90s. #TheArchers

It never ceases to amaze me that you people have anything positive to say about any of them. #TheArchers

Yes...? Genuinely think the Irish made more sense.

Sligo is beautiful. Gateshead is also a place I have been.

Sorry to hear that. I'm guessing from the epitaph that he was Irish?

How is your woollen empire coming along?

Were you thinking in a oner? Roof collapse at the U3A or something? #TheArchers

He certainly is that.

That isn't what makes a village sustainable though. Very few rural people stay where they grew up now. There are no jobs and being a young person in the countryside is shit. Modern villages are sustained by people moving there to spawn and die. #TheArchers

Please, Starmer is nothing like a Bond villain. They always have a very clear plan which they enjoy explaining at length.