It's going to be even worse the next time they appoint Peter Mandelson

Not Jesus, obviously, just some bloke selling loaves and fishes

"The image clearly depicts me as a simple vendor of seafood sandwiches"

Leaflet of three candidates, white blokes with limited hair, all in glasses. --- **GATESHEAD IS BROKEN. VOTE REFORM UK TO FIX IT** Introducing your Reform UK candidates for Low Fell leaflet text: **ATKINSON, John** Reform UK John has lived in Low Fell for 30+ years. His background is in civil engineering, policing, teaching and transport. He wants to bring back a sense of community, listen to residents' concerns and focus on local issues such as crime, roads and streets, and better services. --- **HENDERSON, Iain** Reform UK Iain has lived and worked in Gateshead all his life. Now retired, he wants to give something back to the borough. With a positive outlook, Iain is looking forward to making a real difference to the lives of the residents of Low Fell and to working closely with them. --- **MURRAY, Arthur** Reform UK Arthur has owned several businesses for many years. He has lived locally for 50 years and employs local staff, servicing the northeast and Scotland. His priorities are to see the ward and area prospering once again, caring for the old and infirm and maintaining our parks and open spaces. ---

This Reform leaflet from three Gateshead candidates looks like a timelapse of the same person

Oops I Paul Shaned Again

Viz 355

i think we should pronounce linkedin “linky din”

Three kisses to anyone who can dig out the scene in Veep where Selina talks about the horrors of war to a Marine dressed as the Easter Bunny. It’s out there somewhere.

Father Brown?

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake By A Horse Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food. I am thinking I would like to try cake. Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape. Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy. Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much. I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on." Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me.

It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

Any Hertfordshire shares would be greatly appreciated (a Hertfordshire Share sounds like the polar opposite of a Glasgow Kiss)

I have a song about this!

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?
Because he kneaded a poo.

Robot shaped cocktail cabinet. Door open.

No JASON⁵⁰⁰⁰. Jesus Christ. It is only Monday. Close the door.

I'm afraid I can't do that Dave

A sign advertising karate, with the acronym: Kids Adults Real Anti Abduction (Nothing for T) Everyone

I do love a completely shit acronym.

Buster Bloodvessel is 6”2. Which if you ask me is the height of Bad Manners

I don’t think this is odd. My legs are huge, any drying aide useful.

As Nick Clegg’s in the spotlight again, here’s a short thread of the time I took his bizarre 2020 Politico photo shoot and turned them into Edinburgh posters. 1/4

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Headline in today's Broadcast "Gary Barlow takes Jason Manford to New Zealand for ITV Travelogue" feels like the last straw.

Stop telling us there's no money to make TV when you're sending dull millionaires on free holidays. FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Who is watching this shit?

*eye twitch*

The final date of our world tour is this Friday. www.unrestrictedview.co.uk/sketchfest-2...

I was never a "Dynasty" fan, but had I known Carrington Manor was a death trap I would've probably watched this show.

Three Letters Game Make words using three particular letters against the clock

Best game in the world. threelettersgame.com

This is a very good joke.

Great work. Apparently he also came up with the note orchestras tune to.

Two Old Men - Canal Cafe Theatre Sketches, songs, an increased likelihood of prostate problems; Justin Edwards and Dan Tetsell are TWO OLD MEN, performing as part of SketchFest 2026.

For reasons we can’t remember, Dan Tetsell and I are trying out a whole show of new sketches. First one this Friday at the Canal Cafe. canalcafetheatre.com/our-shows/tw...

nigel farage tweet: The Bank of England is replacing Winston Churchill with a picture of a beaver on our bank notes. This is the definition of woke.

i, for one, am delighted that we finally have a definition of “woke”

The Day Today - Crisis Correspondent Spartacus Mills YouTube video by sargant

youtu.be/IOi7um5PtMY?...

The Andrew formerly known as Prince in a car

The Prince formerly known as Philip in a car in the same pose

In and Out of the Kitchen - Series 2 - Valentine's Day - BBC Sounds Damien is banned from the kitchen so that Anthony can cook up a Valentine's Day meal.

Any excuse to share this show

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...