Just remembered I ended up making small talk at a film festival last year with a guy who said he was a screenwriter and at some point he asked if I wanted to exchange instagram handles and he pulled up my instagram on his phone and said “yeah, mine’s smaller- I don’t buy followers”
1. I am actively packing shirts for the entirety of this recording.
2. This is the only good drawing of me anyone has ever done
Alex is burned out with Rory Blank
On this new episode of the podcast, I am joined by the inimitable @roryblank.bsky.social to discuss dealing with intense burnout and attempting to be a jokey lil' guy in a blighted and ruined world.
hausofdecline.ca/podcast
Saw a dude walking around in black and gold zubaz and a Branson Reese shirt, truly one of God’s elect
I bring people together
RIP Tim Apple, inventor of making everyone download a U2 album and bad keyboard keys and getting rid of the F keys entirely and also bringing back the F keys and acting like it’s a hot new feature
if I catch you trying to read my @roryblank.bsky.social t-shirt, I'm going to force eye contact
Detective Frank Weiner, Private Eye, Sentient Hot Dog
Specifically the “how am I funny” scene
At a bar
Overheard a dude talking to a lady asking if she had seen the movie Casino, which he said was one of his top ten favorite movies
Then he proceeded to describe a scene from Goodfellas
I don’t know about you but i got perfect SAT scores so I’m pretty sure I’m a genius so maybe the issue is you
every now and again i draw a comic strip a lot of people like and i get like 4-5 people getting really whiny about it like “why would you even draw this i don’t get it what’s wrong with you”
Hey man have you considered that maybe you’re the problem here not me
I’ve been hearing rumors all weekend but there’s little way to discern that from idle speculation
yes I am aware
I’m talking about 2027. The question is if there needs to be a larger anchor show like WWE being there (or maybe AEW taking its place) to facilitate something like that happening or if they could just do it without them.
I have no idea how feasible it would be, losing the big draw of WWE being there, but it would be cool if all the indie shows that pop up around Mania just picked a weekend and a US city and did shows there next year away from Saudi Arabia
Sandman’s retirement match was what I assume is the wrestling equivalent of the novel Tristram Shandy, Idk I haven’t read it
On a darkened road, a car with a smear of blood on it sits in front of a large donald duck mascot costume, bloodied. The people in the car ask "oh my god, did we hit it?" "poor thing." "It feels horrible seeing it like this." "How did a mascot get all the way out of the park?" "It's just so sad. But how can it survive in a world it just wasn't built for?" "That's just nature, I guess."
did we hit it
A man in a bandit mask crouches behind a trashcan smoking a cigarette saying “when I pick ip unfinished cigarettes off the ground and smoke em it’s like ai’m sharing a special secret kiss with whoever was smoking it before even if they don’t know about it. I’m a little smooch bandit”
Little bandit
A groggy man gets out of bed, a beeping sound keeps going off. He says, rubbing his eyes, “smoke alarm- why” He drags himself through the hall saying “nothing’s on fire. I swear I just changed the batteries- waking me up.” He pulls down the alarm “if this things just gonna keep going off I swear I’m gonna smash it. Just take a hammer and-“ The machine keeps beeping. Close up we can see now it isn’t a smoke alarm but is labeled “machine that makes a beeping sound while it sprays deadly gas.” “Oh.” Says the man
Fire alarm
The Kool Aid man spills red out of his pitcher while proclaiming “ as Enki, old GOS OF sumer, the seed spilled from my loins formed the river that gave life to ancient Mesopotamia. Now, born anew, I give this gift again to usher in a new age of refreshment. Drink to your fill. Kool-Aid is my cum, if that wasn’t clear.”
Kool Aid Man
A groggy man gets out of bed, a beeping sound keeps going off. He says, rubbing his eyes, “smoke alarm- why” He drags himself through the hall saying “nothing’s on fire. I swear I just changed the batteries- waking me up.” He pulls down the alarm “if this things just gonna keep going off I swear I’m gonna smash it. Just take a hammer and-“ The machine keeps beeping. Close up we can see now it isn’t a smoke alarm but is labeled “machine that makes a beeping sound while it sprays deadly gas.” “Oh.” Says the man
Fire alarm
The Kool Aid man spills red out of his pitcher while proclaiming “ as Enki, old GOS OF sumer, the seed spilled from my loins formed the river that gave life to ancient Mesopotamia. Now, born anew, I give this gift again to usher in a new age of refreshment. Drink to your fill. Kool-Aid is my cum, if that wasn’t clear.”
Kool Aid Man
through a window a pair of eyes can be seen. Voice 1: Honey, Please turn on the light. I think there's someone outside our window. I can see eyes. Voice 2: I'm gonna show that pervert. The light clicks on. Outside the window is a giant homunculus made of hundreds of eyes. Voice 1: Oh! It's only Eyelor The Gazer. Hey Gazer. Voice 2: Oh dang, yo Gazer, what's up dude? The Gazer: Oh you know me. Just peepin'. Voice 2: Hell yeah.
Someone outside, watching
a burly bandit sneaks quietly behind a small bespectacled nerd, cackling to himself "jeez louise, some marks make it too easy! hehe" The bandit's hand inches towards the back pocket of the nerd, the poindexter's wallet sticking out precariously. "Like grabbin' fresh shrimp on a hot buffet," the bandit gloats. Suddenly with a "CHOMP" sound, the bandit's hand is stuck inside the nerd's ass all the way up to the elbow. The bandit cries out in pain "release me from your jaws, you hound of hell!" The nerd, grinning and clenching his fists says "oh how easily, how innocently the fly does enter the spider's web!"
Gripping Tales of True Crime
One time I saw some random dude online complaining about the result of a match at wrestlemania calling the winner of the match an “industry plant“
and that just got lodged in my head as a profoundly stupid thing to say, in the context of the wwe
through a window a pair of eyes can be seen. Voice 1: Honey, Please turn on the light. I think there's someone outside our window. I can see eyes. Voice 2: I'm gonna show that pervert. The light clicks on. Outside the window is a giant homunculus made of hundreds of eyes. Voice 1: Oh! It's only Eyelor The Gazer. Hey Gazer. Voice 2: Oh dang, yo Gazer, what's up dude? The Gazer: Oh you know me. Just peepin'. Voice 2: Hell yeah.
Someone outside, watching
charging m’car wearing my new @roryblank.bsky.social heat
He’s become the sin eater for the administration
