I hope to one day live in a world where a Republican will want to protect our children from gun violence with as much vigor as they want to protect a Tesla dealership.

Once Trump has told us who killed JFK, I’m assuming that's when zombie JFK Jr. will FINALLY join Trump as VP as QAnon predicted.

Poor JD Vance.

It's only been two months…holy f***

Sorry world.

LOVED seeing Zelensky publically stand up for his country against Putin’s bitches Trump and Vance. 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦

🚨BREAKING: New Trump led Kennedy Center Board announces 2025 show season 🎭:

"Behind Closed Doors: The Deep State Musical"
"The Supreme Leader’s Spectacular!"
"Fascist Follies: A Parade of Power”
"Build That Wall! The Broadway Spectacular"
"Make America Swing Dance Again!"
"God, Guns, and Grits”

Glass half full for the Chiefs after last night…

Harrison Butker now has time to get back in the kitchen.

Guys…I’m starting to think both presidential candidates weren't the same after all.

Pam Bondi just got confirmed as Attorney General. She is a female and clearly not qualified!

THESE DEI HIRES MUST STOP!!!

(...did I do that right?...)

🚨BREAKING: I will be instituting a 100% Go F*** Yourself Tariff on all Trump voters effective immediately.

NOTE TO DEMS:

If you have time to send me fundraising texts and emails…YOU HAVE TIME TO SEND ME WHAT THE F*** YOUR PLAN IS TO CONFRONT THE FALL OF DEMOCRACY!!!

Thanks.

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at Trump voters as they begin to understand the effects of tariffs on their households.

I feel like if Trump told MAGA “people are saying” drinking monkey pee cured cancer, there would be a run on it, and Fox News would show multiple segments on “the well-known benefits of monkey pee the Libs don't want you to know about.”

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at the Donald Trump administration's handling of the OMB over the last 48 hours:

Note to Democrats in elected leadership roles:

POSTING ABOUT TRUMP’S FEDERAL AID FREEZE IS NOT DOING SOMETHING!!!

WE KNOW IT’S F***ED UP, WE WANT YOU TO TELL US HOW YOU ARE OBSTRUCTING???

DO LITERALLY ANYTHING FFS!!!

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at Republicans lining up to take jobs previously held by immigrants.

GOP: “You Libs and your gender-changing names and pronouns! You can't just decide one day to make me call you Chris instead of Christine!”

Also GOP: “He wants to change the name to ‘Gulf of America’? Hell yes! Always playing chess that guy!”

It appears Trump actually could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue while using the Nazi salute and yelling “Jesus was a woke liberal socialist I am your Jesus!”, and they really would still love and defend him.

Like exceptions DAILY.

I always taught my children not to use the word hate about people.

I’m making a LOT of exceptions these days.

Guys…I’m starting to think Trump’s new policies may benefit wealthy white males more than most.

It's a Roman 10

Interesting…

We could donate to something like “The Organization For White Wealthy World Takers” or whatever you guys wanted

PROPOSAL: Since it is clearly harmless, we start the “Elon Challenge”:

✅ Conservatives…replicate Elon’s “salute” in front of employees at your place of work
📱🤳Film and post your colleague’s reaction on social media platforms
💵If you do, we donate to an agreed-upon charity.

Who is in?

I’m guessing the Republicans trying to convince us it wasn't a Nazi salute were the same ones attaching quarters to their faces saying the vaccine made them magnets.

If the next elected Democratic President and/or Congress (assuming we still have a government) doesn't come in with the MOST PROGRESSIVE AGENDA KNOWN TO MAN, I'm going to lose my mind.

Waiting for Republicans to tell me these were just good Americans dressed up in spooky ghost outfits...

When Republicans ask, tell them:

Guys…I’m starting to think it wasn't about the eggs.