This Texans v Chargers game is like watching two people insist the other one go first while the other 382638 people in line sigh and watch exasperatedly.

Despair is the throwing away of the air fryer apps after Xmas eve ends-

Sorry spanakopita, there's not enough space for you.

$999,999,999

MONEYGASM: 'WOW!! YOU DID IT! DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO!?"

Respect to the people who do the graphics packages for Thursday Night Football.

CJGJ just deleted Xavier Legette from this timeline.

I NEED an NFC Championship game where Sirianni and MCDC just gentleman's agreement at the coin toss that no punting is allowed.

UnitedHealthcare CEO fatally shot, reports say Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealth's insurance unit, was fatally shot in the chest on Wednesday morning outside the Hilton hotel in Midtown, the NY Post and Bloomberg reported, citing police sources.

"Sorry, sir, we determined that the slug lodged in your chest was actually a pre-existing condition"

Israel kills aid workers and food seekers in Gaza; 45 dead since dawn Three aid workers from World Central Kitchen are killed in southern Khan Younis as Israel bombs people waiting for food.

Israeli military spokesperson Avichay Adraee has said without providing any evidence that one of the three World Central Kitchen aid workers killed in Gaza purportedly took part in last year’s October 7 attack on Israel.

🔴 LIVE updates ⤵️

A heartfelt fuck you to the sweaty asshole smoking cigarettes in the middle of the crowd at the Menzingers show at the TLA. I hope you wake up with a two day hangover.

Elon Musk’s DOGE partner Vivek Ramaswamy says they’ll scrutinize $6.6 billion Biden loan to Tesla rival Rivian Critics advise the incoming Trump administration to pull the plug on 'corporate-welfare loans handed out for political reasons'.

Remember, folks, when these guys say "free speech and free markets" they mean "free from criticism and competition for me"

I am honestly impressed by the level of nincompoopery shown by Matt Eberflus today.

This year I'm thankful for the combined ineptitude of the Cowboys and Giants' front offices, allowing me to smugwatch a football game at levels I never thought possible.

I only just now saw that Brady Singer for Jonathan India/Joey Wiemer trade. For me, that's a huge win for Cincy and a solid (if healthy) rotation for the Reds.

That Rudy is whining that he can’t pay his bills because he has to pay the two Black women he defamed, and not the White billionaire who hasn’t paid him for his work, is next level irony. Kinda like blaming immigrants and poc for why you’re poor, but not the company who won’t pay you a living wage…

Just in case you're wondering what kind of hellhole that "legacy" social media has become, here's a AI sandwich where the meat is athleisure pants I'll never look good in.

'I have no money': Thousands of Americans see their savings vanish in Synapse fintech crisis CNBC spoke to a dozen customers caught in the Synapse fintech predicament, people who are owed sums ranging from $7,000 to well over $200,000.

Rob a bank = Jail for decades.

Claim to be a bank and rob people = eh, should have read the fine print.

MOMMA THERE GOES THAT MAN

Saquon Barkley is pretty good at football.

My nephew, cackling:

"Watch this!"

*Runs forward three steps and dives face first into the ground*

Eagles Head Coach Nicholas John Sirianni, watching through an obscenely expensive telescope miles away:

"Hmmmmmm..."

Remember when the NFL didn't have to consult the I Ching to determine if a catch was a catch?

Every time Cris Collingsworth prepares to speak, it feels like he's getting ready to tell an anecdote about something that happened to him when Bill Clinton was the president.

As much as it pains me to praise anything the Dallas Cowboys have ever done, the replay of that KaVonte Turpin plant and spin move...

El frio.

We don't need to speculate on how tariffs are bad for consumers- just look at Biden's expanded tariffs against Chinese semiconductors in support of the CHIPS act. Hey, gamers, how much better have they made your lives when it comes to buying components for your PC?

I never had a Twitter profile so it's a lot of fun for me to see what kind of follows I'm attracting. For the record, I don't believe in magic but I am rooting for all of you witches who are hexing the GOP. I am also happily married and have no plans to change that.

Unsolved Mysteries 1988: "Perhaps a witness could come forward with critical information about this case..."

UPDATE: "It actually *was* the husband the whole time. Oops. He has since been executed."

ALL MY HOMIES HATE JAKE PAUL | A Brief History of Freakshow fighting YouTube video by Napoleon Blownapart

I would like to (organically) plug Napoleon Blownapart's YouTube channel- specifically the excellent 'All My Homies Hate Jake Paul'. If you enjoy Jon Bois' & Felix Biederman's 'Fighting In The Age Of Loneliness', I think you will enjoy the mix of dark humor, topicality, and depth of analysis.

Gotta hand it to Worldstar for completing its metamorphosis from "place to watch barfights" to "horny people doing freestyles" to "forum for political discourse" to "daily updates on speculative technology invented by Terrence Howard".

More than 200 children killed in Lebanon amid Israeli bombardment: UN Three children killed daily in Lebanon over last two months, UNICEF reports, as it urges action to stop the violence.

More than 200 children have been killed in Lebanon since Israel launched a military campaign focused on the country two months ago, says UNICEF ⤵️ aje.io/63g8cg

Sonic 3 Music: Carnival Night Zone Act 2 YouTube video by sonicKAI

The official soundtrack of tonight's Texans v. Cowboys game.

While Alec Bohm being traded makes sense, anyone saying the Phillies should accept less than top prospects is delusional and should be treated as such.