My rival really hid her eggs under the big warm rock. First place I looked. They were a bit over-ripe but I ate them out of spite.

Jester didn't use the bit I wrote, so I ruined him personally and professionally. He will never be a laughingstock around here again. Also his wife left him.

I refuse to accept that your husband ˢⁿⁱᵛᵉˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ˡᵘᵏᵉ has been accepted into The Gilded Hall of Heroes. Are you sure it wasn’t a burrow or small crevice

You didn't bring anything back from the gem biome for me? Not one single little thing?

My cursed item knows just what to whisper to me.

My haters are furious about my new spell that turns people inside out. They can't stand to see me doing what I love!

Enclosing a clipping of my wife's hair within my heart-shaped locket before departing for the demon caves. I'll need this to exchange her soul for my freedom if I'm captured.

Every adventuring party has that one dude who only does power attacks and never has enough stamina to fast travel.

I don't know. I had my heart set on menacing. I guess though.

Emerging from my crag to menace the nearby hamlet.

I admit that I wasn't initially a fan of the idea of sleeping in a well-buttered metal pan. But, you're right, it's actually quite comfy with this blanket of dough wrapped around me.

Solemnly looting my wife's death box.

Standing over the sink at 1 a.m. casting Summon Morsel again and again.

(Lying) It doesn't bother me that you have trebuchet technology!

I love all of my larvae. Even the runty little blue ones. Well, maybe not them.

🕳️🧎 You okay down there?

💀

Top Deathbed Regrets

3. Failed saving throw vs. pneumonia

2. Didn't assign any skill points until late in life

1. Stayed home in bed instead of attending that one-day healing magic course

As the giant stomps closer, I'm feeling regret for all the times I went out of my way to chase down little guys and crush them, pinch them, pop them, toss them, munch them, slam them, cream them, smash them, rip them, turn them into goo, and so on.

When the goblin prince stops by unannounced and your dingiest cushion is the perfect dampness >>

Taking my neighbor's dog to the haruspex.

"One for The City, two for The Hive,
three for The Jelly that keeps us alive,
four for The Mayor, five for The Queen,
Six for The Hand that remains unseen,
Seven for The Cell, 8 for The Wall,
and nine for The Gate that guards us all."

-Bee Rhyme

The wine's not "cursed," bro. You're just an asshole.

Booming Voice: I'm withering your crops on the vine right now.

Village Elder: Please, spare us your wrath. Our children will starve. Are we not your chosen people?

Booming Voice: You misunderstand what it means to be chosen by Me.

Whispering "critical hit" as I paralyze an elf with a deft kick to the spine.

Hunting rare and beautiful creatures for sport in airless lunar caves.

Well, Sire, it's just that some people (not me) seem to think that you have "difficult person energy."

Quaff a healing potion? So I can get sent back into battle to take more damage from needle worms? I'll pass.

Everyone wants me to imbue their shard with malicious energy. I take their money and imbue their shard with neutral energy. Every. Single. Time. And before you ask, no, the malice of my deed does not stain the shard.

She drew her sword, so I snatched forth my sword-breaker. Naturally, she reached for her sword-breaker-breaker. So what did I do? Pulled out my sword-breaker-breaker-breaker. Then she zapped me with strong magic and that's when I found myself here in Hell.

Demon: (Tortures me harder)

Nothing against the centaur knight but I can't have him dropping dung on the banquet hall floor again