We used to call them "Plastic Pigs"

22.00 FILM: EVRI-THING, EVRI-WHERE ALL AT ONCE Award-winning multiverse adventure where your parcel is somehow at the depot, in transit, in your safe place, left with a neighbour, delayed, returned to send, in your green bin, all at the same time - but never actually with you.

Based on a true story. About a dozen true stories in our experience...

By repeating bollocks like "some children self identify as a cat and the schools have to provide litter trays" you are self identifying as a gullible moron.

Today I turn 89. I’ve seen this country at its best and its worst, and I know how much community matters. For my birthday, I’m asking you to stand with PFLAG and support the work that’s helped so many in the LGBTQ+ community, including me. give.pflag.org/page/95493/d...

Lookalike: Comedian and Chatty Man

From the latest Private Eye, out now.

20.00 FILM: ANT MAN Marvel's exciting adventure about how Declan Donnelly starts conversations with his TV partner.

Unimprovable headline

From the latest Private Eye, out now.

Every flag should feature a mythical animal. Notice how the roundabouts aren't being painted in Wales? It's because idiots can't draw a dragon.

The Fraud's Prayer:
Our Father, who art in the White House,
hallowed be thy combover;
thy blingdom come;
thy will be dumb;
In Washington as you are in Florida.
Give us this day our daily round of golf.
And forgive us our insider trading,
as we refuse to forgive those who investigate against us...

Pigeons on some steps by water

Pigeons on steps by water

A swan's arse in the air

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the river.

Frank N Furter drawing

Happy 80th Tim

We are living in a timeline so dumb it's exhausting.

22.00 FILM: RAMBO NUMBER FIVE The war veteran returns to face late 1990's chart act Lou Bega who is threatening to detonate a little bit of Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra and Jessica scattered over a wide area.

300+ new followers this week, thanks so much for joining our mildly amusing/rarely offensive/perfect for children's parties/if wet will be held indoors account. More new CEEFAUXs to come next week, but in the meantime - especially if you're new - a weekend of our best oldies (repeats basically)

Discworld QOTD, from Small Gods

Artemis splashes down

From the new Private Eye, out now.

21.00 FILM: SAVING PRIVATE RYANAIR Harrowing war drama about a brave company of soldiers to should be on the beaches of Normandy but have been diverted to Brittany and must now board a five-hour bus to get to the right place, whilst their weapons and supplies are somehow in Tenerife.

Looks like images are back in business, so our new CEEFAUXs continue with the perfect in-flight movie (£15 to activate your screen, £5 to skip adverts, £7.50 for headphones)

It's becoming Dr Strangelove isn't it.

Shout out to the USA for showing the rest of the world what it's like when you put the far right in power. Useful research guys, thanks a lot

The authorities have been alerted after a seemingly innocent couple landed an enormous cheque amid claims they were friends of Nigel Farage.

“These accusations are an outrage,” said winners Richard Tice and Isabel Oakeshott, of Taxfree Apartments, Dubai.

From the new Private Eye, out now.

Trump: We won the moon! We sent up a beautiful bigly rocket and it didn't even land on an Iranian school or hospital.

New Private Eye on shelves now.

Private Eye gift subscriptions available online.

➡️ Offers: checkout.private-eye.co.uk/SingleItem?I...

Hungary’s New Leader Reveals Viktor Orbán Was Paying CPAC Péter Magyar called the payments a “crime” and said his government would stop the funds.

The entire American conservative MAGA “movement” has been a Russian funded op the entire time. Follow the money. It’s a straight line from Putin to CPAC.

A photo of the front cover of issue 1673 of Private Eye magazine, with the caption “on shelves now.” The main headline reads “HUNGARY: ORBAN LOSES HISTORIC ELECTION.” The central image shows Viktor Orbán standing on stage alongside JD Vance, both raising their arms in front of a cheering crowd with Hungarian and US flags in the background. A speech bubble reads, “Who says America can’t achieve regime change?” A strapline at the bottom reads “HUGE TRIUMPH FOR MAGA (SURELY MAGYAR? ED.).”

Hungary: Orban loses historic election

The new Private Eye is out now.

Two senior former police officers have identified serious flaws in the police investigation of the Lucy Letby case.

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To be honest, most of Europe has been invaded numerous times over the centuries, that's why Europe has refined diplomacy. The USA has only been seriously attacked a few times at most.

We are on FIRE.
#WorldBollardAssociation🔥

Have to admit I'm kind of irritated that Trump has disproved the existence of God by not being struck down this morning. I guess all those American mega churches will have to give back all the money they extracted from their flock now.