Imagine loving anything ever

Shout out to Darius Garland, my favorite Garland since Judy

You watch basketball for fun. I watch basketball to suffer. We are not the same.

I forgot about how much stress the sport of basketball adds to my life

The phrase “work like a dog” never made sense to me because every dog I’ve ever known just lies around and naps all day. I feel like the saying should mean the opposite of what it means.

Was this thought constructed while I was on the toilet? Absolutely. Do I stand by it 100%? No, but it’s too late now.

As a Quilted Northern loyalist, this is a hardline stance I must uphold — no exceptions.

I think we’re asking the wrong questions on first dates. What kind of toilet paper you use is far more important information than how many siblings you’ve got — I can’t hook up with you if you fly single-ply.

it will take generations for the world to trust America again but imo we can speed run it by shipping people to The Hague. As a gesture of like “we get it.”

Who needs therapy when you can complain about the same minor inconvenience to six friends at different times until you are sick of your own bullshit and suck it up?

actually, it's frankenstein's costume designer

It’s time: we should have a French actor named Victor B. Wembanyama

“Started out with a kiss/How did it end up like this?” is a great lyric but also come on man I bet you can connect those dots!!!

Xabi Alonso really played this man Valverde at right back

This Super Bowl is haram

Man, I knew it was coming but this still hurts. Zu will always be a Clipper in my heart.

Darius Garland’s dad

There are miracles, and there are acts of God, and then there is the Cleveland Cavaliers, a second apron team who can't combine contracts in a trade and can't add salary, finding a player to trade for who made just $263,397 less this season than Darius Garland.

I’d like to kiss whoever invented space heaters directly on the mouth.

Wow I can’t believe the New York Knicks actually won a trophy in my lifetime (yeah it’s the Cup but still)

Mount Rushmore of Cups:
Cup of coffee in the morning
Cups by Anna Kendrick
Cooper Kupp
Emirates NBA Cup

The OG in OG Anunoby stands for Outstandingly Good

The NBA Cup: one of the best cups, up there with cup of coffee

I pity every NBA writer who has to come up with new ways to describe how good Victor Wembanyama is

The Premier League is drunk.

French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre famously wrote in his seminal work No Exit that "hell is other people." But he was, unfortunately, incorrect; hell is, in actuality, Clippers fandom.

These are the moments when I wish basketball had yellow and red cards. It's so much more dramatic when the refs can whip them out.

I can’t believe how much I’ve come to love James Harden as a Clipper, it makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth every time I think about it

I want to play poker with the Dallas Mavericks' owners so I can trap them into going all in when I've got the nuts. Someone arrange this so I can become a Crazy Rich Asian.