…holding my breath waiting for some kind of consequences… dying

Saw a Gadsden flag on a pickup modified to Don’t Tread On My Gun Rights, and I was like dude, we knew what you meant the first time without the extra words.

Always love the kindergarten desk; we could call it the Dissolute

I delivered packages for the postal service for a couple of years and you get to loathe funny welcome mats. Leading the pack: “Hope you brought wine!” Only if you ordered it. This one’s ok, though.

If a Prelude hits a Sonata, do you get a symphony? If a Navigator hits a Pilot, do you get the Hegseth Pentagon?

They call them dad jokes. I call them dad zen koans.

Shouldn’t Dole bananas be free? What about Unreal candy?

I caught a wall fixture to the scalp and now I can’t remember the 1980s nor algebra. Not that I particularly cared for either.

Do we think that ICE will ever return to its original and sacred mission, sending the fucking Trans-Siberian Orchestra back to Trans-Siberia where they belong? Yes, thank you for that electric guitar version of Sleighride that none of us asked for. Now kindly fuck off until next Christmas.

One good thing about being plastered all the time is you don’t feel it when you’re shoved under the bus.

I believe it to be a zen koan, and if I wait here long enough, enlightenment will arrive, if not patient privacy. The other CVS patients will have to use the drive through if they want to pick up their prescriptions this week.

I just switched the thermostat from cool to off and feel like I wrote the world’s shortest autobiography.

“Like i stick to my davenport.”

I’m not sure which I love most, winged Baphomet in the sky, the Statue of Liberty on fire, or the nurse thinking, “Stand back and stand down; The Donald’s got this.” Best thing he’s done since the Green Acres theme.

I haven’t seen this level of sophisticated diplomacy since, oh, I’m thinking second grade.

Also jeez, can you hire some graphics people? That belongs on a refrigerator.

“We figured that killing the old supreme leader would go over GREAT with his son, the new supreme leader.”

Updated spelling to Bored of Peace

What if the most powerful country in the world went rogue and proved to be TERRIBLE at it?

2/2

any checks and balances, bodily autonomy, expertise or even any memory of meritocracy, disease control, the hive mind of flyover country, our future (sold or mortgaged), CBS and CNN.

I’m all for Trump’s triumphal arch so long as it explicitly lists all that he has triumphed over: objective reality, truth, nuance, science, the rule of law, decency, the concept of the public good, democracy, journalism, underage girls, honesty, all precedent and tradition,
1/2

2/2

3) Shouldn’t there be two arches, painted gold, celebrating the source of the king’s immortality?

Now that King AssholeGrabitall has revealed his Playboy Mansion Arc de Triomphe, I have questions. 1) Aren’t these normally erected after a victory, any victory, instead of during a historic fiasco? 2) Shouldn’t this be in Moscow, Jerusalem or Epstein Island, the only winners here? 1/2

It’s going to get pretty crowded under that bus.

Wait, was that the Department of War, the Board of Peace or the Ministry of Truth?

All civilization has died already just due to his presence on the scene.

Now I can’t find the Can of Whoopass opener anywhere!

Now that I’ve seen a truck marked Uber Freight, I’m done. Irony is over. Granted it’s no Superego Trucking, but I’m just bitter because they completely dominated my own SuperId Trucking. Uber Freight, if you want to be pulled over by every cop in the country asking, “Do you know why I stopped you?”

1945?

Forget Pennywise; I’m scared of Poundfoolish the Clown, inexplicably inaugurated twice as president of the US. Killed a million of us already and out to foment armageddon for shits and giggles. We all float down here because he turned the country into a sewer.