I’d also like to know

My girlfriend is like Kraven the Hunter but she’s wearing a Labubu pelt and her trophies are Ty beanie babies, Furbies, and all the other weird toy trends

Well now I have to listen to this episode

I still think about that Mac and cheese

Despite all the changes happening in the world, it’s comforting to know that Texas A&M still sucks ass.

You should’ve seen the planet fitness guy’s face. Priceless.

me attempting a squat PR the day after my vasectomy

Sorry for your loss, BG

Got honked at because I was standing in a dude’s parking spot while opening the door for my lady. That guy has zero maidens.

Bonus attack takes priority over family. Sorry MOM.

Internet technician is in my house, guess I’ll T-pose in the corner for an hour

The shaker bottle of Teth Adam, gifted to James Willems

@jameswillems.bsky.social not even Doctor Fate could have foreseen such betrayal

*taps home depot employee on the shoulder*

“where is the lego aisle?”

I reprised my stunning turn (?) as Amelia Earhart for the comedy podcast 'Good Morning from Hell' 🔥

You can listen, but it's sort of bonkers and I think I blacked out at one point between ranting about monkey gods and the Lindbergh baby:

open.spotify.com/episode/40q9...

I'm the voice of the Green Ranger in @digitaleclipse.bsky.social Power Rangers Rita's Rewind and even I can't believe I'm saying that.

The 2.5 years worth of unposted tweets that I’m about to shit onto the internet

I think I figured it out