[Guy who can’t keep all the news straight]

“Yeah, but no NFL team is REALLY going to draft a 42 year-old, right???”

Why are you here???

Chewin’ up my buttons

The original inspiration for Buttons by the Pussycat Dolls

what do you mean? finally rise and grind and wake and bake have come together in one pocket-size cancer delivery device!

The Sounders earned a Messi visit in the Leagues Cup final. SKC, LAFC and Vancouver earned them in CCC. Everything else should just be the schedule, Jesus H.W. Christ.

“earned a Messi visit” is one of the most cursed phrases I’ve read in a long time. Good lord

Every day there's a new main character on BlueSky. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try to become that person every day. The trick is to try to make people argue able the stupidest possible topics ever.

Some ideas:
- How much is $100 actually?
- Are eggs dairy?
- The Pitt

Thomas’s goals prevented per 90 is also just slightly behind Brady’s, with 0.43 and 0.48 respectively

Andrew Thomas currently leads MLS GKs in save percentage (88.5%), is second in goals prevented (3), and has the second best goals conceded per 90 (0.43). Daniel is ahead of him in goals conceded per 90 (0.375), and Chris Brady leads for goals prevented (3.8).

I think it’s tight that Bruce Arena’s Earthquakes are composed primarily of guys who went to college, and that they play like you can’t get into the team if you had a gpa higher than 3.2 (respectfully)

I wonder if there’s a team that could beat this San Jose super team

Another own goal! This might be the greatest game in the history of the league

I was going to make fun of* how boring

Lmao they’ve got John Thorrington on top of the building looking down on this like the fucking Dork Knight.

Is it wrong to pull a guy’s pants down so his whole ass is on the broadcast? Yes, I think we can all agree that it’s wrong. However it is also funny, and soccer is not truly funny nearly often enough, so it is also good to pull a guy’s pants down and show off his ass on tv or streaming.

I was going to make up for how boring this LAFC vs SJ game was after the first half, but now we’ve gotten 3 goals and seen Denis Bouanga’s ass in less than 20 minutes of the second half. HUGE improvement!

Cory Booker talking way bigger to a crowd of people he agrees with than he ever has to anyone who he disagrees with.

They should name all of the light rail stations like they name the downtown stations. Airplane Station. Shopping Mall Station (North) and Shopping Mall Station (South). Red Apple Station.

I once asked Don Garber about MLS's data problems and he seemed genuinely confused about why anyone would care. Called it "inside baseball"

A generation of men watched the Red Green Show and didn’t realize it was a joke

Erling Haaland is a Harkonnen

That’s it for Brian Schmetzer’s post-game.

“On a social level, this is top."

on the closeness in the group: “They’re all tight, their wives are all friends ... I gave them three days off because they’re playing well. It’s a tight-knit group on the field, and it’s a tight group off the field as well. If a guy doesn’t have kids ... Pedro’s taking them in."

on late changes: “Still attacking. I could have brought Stu Hawkins on ... he deserves to play ... I want to stay on the front foot, we’ve got a bunch of games on a beautiful grass field.” Says he wants to entertain the fans and play fun, attacking soccer.

What I have at my disposal is a bunch of guys who are going to come out fired up because they want to keep their spot on the field ... so I’m pretty pleased."

“Now that we’re out of CCC, the goals have shrank ... but we’ve still got four to play for. ... the strength of this team is the roster that was handed to me, and I’ve got a lot of guys who are playing at a high level because they understand that to be on the field they’ve got to be at a high level.

on Antino Lopez: “He’s not just pressing Yeimar, he’s pressing Jackson [Ragen] too.” Schmetzer praised Lopez’s technical ability, defending, and passing, but also his ability to position himself to make other players’ jobs easier

so what we discussed with Cristian the other day was, ‘okay, let’s see how we can make a strong case for the summer.’ and it’s one thing, you do everything well ... and tonight, I don’t remember him making an errant pass, he was excellent."