(checking instruments) you seem to have gone forward in time

the bread is essentially the soft underbelly of the sandwich

honestly that's pretty good

They named white mystery airheads after me

One more sleep until baseball. The eternal sleep. Death. Baseball is Hell. War is Hell. Baseball is War.

WATCH NOW: The Annoying Orange Gets Political

hey there Delilah, what's it like in Dogshit City

they should make more songs about lumps

My sons Sign and Client are home from their folk wrestling lessons

in a lot of cases federal nuclear jobs have kind of a noncompete clause making it illegal to work in another country for several years after you quit

when he falls for your scheme >>>>>>

Being interviewed for Mud & Leaf magazine

brand new diner serves coke the normal way

Got fired on my first day at the stop sign company but i thought i did a great job

rolling up to Shark Tank and trying to sell a single exotic cow

looking for some real #freaks to help me entrench this position overlooking the valley

this movie was fucking crazy. probably the greatest papal thriller of all time

there's a strong case to be made that cowgirls are the most oppressed class in our society

milking a beast

been getting into bagels

one of the unsung villains of our time. not that he should be sung but you know what I mean

me when I'm at a bar and see one of my coworkers there

home from work and absolutely exhausted

reaching that dangerous part of my life where I start to spiritually connect with weezer songs

football (53px-35px)