would you go on the show and what chain would you want to do?

One more escape and I get microchipped

boy i hope that *'s not an E

found out she's been shuffling the playlists I made for her 🥀🥀🥀

been getting into those "try not to cum" video games lately

My doctors are proud of me, my multiple sclerosis is down to a single scleroso

the first few seconds of soak up the sun sound like NIN

Mina Kimes talking about a pig looking into frame followed by Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.b... • 1h Jim Halpork over here. ... Ryan Nanni @celebrityhottub.bsky.s... • 1h Josh, can you talk about the decision to go for Halpork and not Hampert here? Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social Follow Would love to. I thought Hampert is a better visual joke (just changing one letter) but Halpork sounds closer to Halpert than Hampert does, to me! (I did almost go with Ham Halpert though!)

This is just what you like to see on here

don't know how it's spelled but there's a dude at my job named Pharrell but pronounced fair-ull. just learned his last name is (again no idea how it's spelled) catonic. he is now known as feral cat

my ibuprofen 5 years past its best by date. Shiiiit twin me too

listening age of 23?!

Local Man Hates Self, Family, Others

Local Man Hates Self, Family, Others

don't think I have it in me to listen to either bon iver or sufjan stevens. I might be straight :/

They call me chatgpt the way im telling people to kill themselves

I'm glad you post bc I miss melee Twitter every once in a while

My husband and I have been trying to scare each other with the June Squibb cutout he got me for my bday

so fucking good

He said "Amen" straight into the drop

Lmao Pope Leo threw a rave for an archbishop's 75th birthday this is kind of incredible

They fucked up rearranging all the aisles in my grocery store and now the eggs waffles are across from the lube

SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.

PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.

DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

There's a good chance rizzler lives to 2100

Jolteon driving some sort of older C series Jeep or off road vehicle

Me, all week

Remember when Mike Pence attended Hamilton and the cast adlibbed some resistlib patter personally to him? Why did none of them feel immense shame about performing in a show that would seem initially appealing to Mike Pence?

Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL

Unheard of

Your roommate is my dad

Nicole Kidman Retires Drag King Persona ‘Keith Urban’

Nicole Kidman Retires Drag King Persona ‘Keith Urban’

Fucked up on my last date bc she said I tried weed once and didn't like it and I responded well I get randomly tested bc I have a CDL so here's all the drugs I can do:

Digital illustration in the style of a vintage storybook. A man peacefully sits in a sparse forest with his back against a tree stump. Muted red flowers grow out of his chest. Below the illustration reads “several flowers bloomed from his chest.”

From His Chest · 2021