A weird premonition but I just feel the kids who grow up with an Elf on the Shelf are gonna all have the same neuroses in adulthood 💀

The night editor says
that's journalism
these days
you learn
to live with the ghosts
don't worry though
they don't care about us

Well, not as
much as you might think
anyway.

The weather section
writes itself these days too
but it's always wrong
in ways that feel
spiteful.

By sunrise we'll have
another edition ready,
slightly haunted
but still fit to print
& tomorrow night
we'll do it again
because that's what you do when
you control the identity of an ugly place

The photographer
swears the darkroom
is getting darker
says he saw
something in there
editing his photos
with teeth instead of hands.

We don't go in there anymore.

The sports writer's computer
only types in wing-dings;
his high school football coverage
has never been better.

Around 3 AM
the vending machine
starts dispensing
horoscopes
just different versions
of "😬" or "You should
call your mother."

Coffee grounds in the break room
keeps rearranging
into headlines we haven't written yet:

MAYOR ADMITS TOWN HALL
ACTUALLY PORTAL TO HELL

COUNTY COMMISSION VOTES 4-3
TO IGNORE REALITY

WEIRD STUFF STILL HAPPENING
EVERYWHERE PAGE 6

The police scanner
only broadcasts whale songs now.
The press operator
claims the classified section
is printing backwards
& all the lost dog ads
are prophecies.

(He might be right —
three consecutive Wednesdays
someone's poodle predicted
the lotto
but we're all too afraid
to play them.)

Around 3 AM
the vending machine
starts dispensing
stale candy bars with horoscopes
just different versions
of "You should probably
call your mother."

Coffee grounds in the break room
keep rearranging into headlines:
- MAYOR ADMITS TOWN HALL
ACTUALLY PORTAL TO HELL
- COUNTY COMMISSION VOTES 4-3
TO IGNORE REALITY
- WEIRD STUFF STILL HAPPENING
EVERYWHERE PAGE 6
The sports writer
only types in wing-dings;
his football coverage
has never been better.

The police scanner
only broadcasts whale songs now.
The press operator
claims the classifieds
are printing backwards
& all the lost dog ads
are actually prophecies.
(He might be right —
two consecutive Wednesdays
someone's poodle predicted
the lotto
but we're all too afraid
to play the numbers.)

My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade [Official Music Video] [HD] YouTube video by My Chemical Romance

youtu.be/RRKJiM9Njr8?...

What the hell are you doing there to begin with

You have two choices:
Josh Hawley
Hulk Hogan