If he's not already working with a sports psych, they should really be pushing him at it, because it really does seem like he gets rattled a lot easier this year than last. Hopefully he can get there, when he's on he's really good. The amount of chase he gets on a slider a foot off the plate is wild

Happy April 20!

39 years ago today, we first met #TheSimpsons! The short “Good Night” (aka “Good Night Simpsons”) first aired on The Tracey Ullman Show on Fox on April 19, 1987. #WorldSimpsonsDay

You know, I really looked forward to baseball after how long and miserable this winter was, and I see now that that was a mistake. I hope this bloody injury curse ends at some point so baseball can be fun again.

Comic strip where a boy found out his grandmother's tree was chopped down by a neighbor who complained. Lawyers popped out of nowhere to respond to the Clarion call of tree law. They carry the boy off as a hero.

My lawyer friend not on here offered this in tribute.

This good for many reasons but I'm begging a whole bunch of you to watch AT LEAST the first 20 minutes where Dan talks about young, hungry influencers who will do anything for a pat on the head and some free stuff. Because everyone needs to hear that: whether you're one yourself or just on socials.

Every now and then I'm sad I was raised with morals and ethics and a sense of shame, because I could be a lot richer if I was just morally bankrupt and thought everyone else was a moron.

Me to 3yo: What do you want for your birthday party theme?

3yo: “Poopoo & peepee theme! We can get apple juice for the pee, so a skeleton pees and you drink the skeleton pee but it’s okay because it’s juice”

Me: ..K I was thinking like “dinosaurs” but let’s put a pin in “piss fountain of the dead”

Fingers crossed that people don't overreact to the part of this start that doesn't matter. Can't wait to see Jose back on the bump and giving a good clean consistent throw.

Three panel comic. Panel 1: scene from the movie Aliens; Ripley is in a mech suit and delivers her iconic line: “get away from her, you bitch!” Panel 2: the xenomorph queen lunges at Ripley in the robotic suit and they engage in a fight. Panel 3: later, the xenomorph queen is standing in the shower, mid wash. She says, “‘it takes one to know one, honey.’ That’s what I should have said.”

I’m glad the Unicode Consortium added the “melting smiley” emote.

I just wish I wasn’t constantly presented with so many opportunities to use it.

🫠

Today is the 30th anniversary of Steamed Hams!

Three panel comic. Panel 1: at a house party, a guy is standing next to his buddy, a human-size horseshoe crab. They’re both holding red solo cups. The guy is looking to the other side of the room and excitedly says to the crab, “hey, there’s another horseshoe crab here!” The crab replies, “ugh.” Panel 2: the guy says, “what’s wrong?” The crab says, “he’s one of those guys who flaunts it too much.” Panel 3: we see the other horseshoe crab in question, engaged in conversation with a group of smiling people standing around him. This second horseshoe crab is wearing a cap with a horseshoe on it, and a novelty t-shirt that reads: I SURVIVED 5 MASS EXTINCTIONS. IS IT FRIDAY YET?

Tweet from David Hughes (@david8hughes): [at the chameleon store] Me: do you have any chameleons? Clerk: I've no fucken idea

Tweet from Jon (@ArfMeasures): ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100 ME: 100..99..98 ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what? ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me

Canada’s carceral system disproportionately impacts indigenous peoples and communities. Preventing incarcerated people from accessing libraries is about more than saving a paltry couple million bucks per year. This is disgusting.

He's always been on track for late May/early June from what I've seen, which is past the 60-day line

28 years ago today, Homer Simpson created his breakout postmodern sculpture “Le Grille.”

#TheSimpsons episode “Mom and Pop Art” first aired April 11, 1999.

That's the brutal part, Lauer IS the long man. We've got a rotation on the IL that half the league would kill to be running out every day.

"but did you consider...." yes i made this one too don't worry.

Two panel comic. Panel 1: a digital kiosk at the entrance of a parking garage with a dispensed ticket. The screen display reads: PLEASE TAKE TICKET BELOW. Panel 2: a T-Rex is sticking its little arm out the window of its partially opened car door, trying to reach the ticket.

scene from lord of the rings "this is it, if I take one more step it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been"

Artemis II today.

Top image with Jerry saying, "You're crying because of Artemis II?" Bottom image with George saying, "The spirit of space travel got to me." Jerry then says, "Alright."

"...You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.' "
- Edgar Mitchell

4 human beings are about to be the farthest away from earth than any other human has before. I don’t understand how that doesn’t get you stoked. Shits cool as hell. This is the future I’m excited about.

Making people laugh once is easy, making people laugh constantly over the course of a 3-hour show takes a huge amount of effort, talent, and planning. MW has never failed to keep me laughing and having a great time for 3 hours.

Silverquill - Redefining The Black / White Color Philosophy of Magic: youtu.be/DiwlYz7ly70

#Magicthegathering