She is clothed in anxiety and loungewear.

I am no longer trying my best. What has that ever done for me? From now on I'm trying my worst.

Every day is taxing in the existential sense, this season ain't special.

You'll never find success by relying on other people. Success comes from harnessing otherworldly powers and casting your detractors into an inescapable hell dimension.

I am a lot like a vintage car – high maintenance, always breaking down, and only of interest to a very niche audience.

The average person has 50,000 thoughts every day, and I have at least 50,000 thoughts every day that involve the F-word.

them: you can't just keep running from your problems

me: okay, but I can probably wall some of them up in a wine cellar

The glass is half full...of strychnine.

I can relate to my cat because I want to be spoiled and admired but slap anything I don't like.

Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by existing.

An Irish goodbye, but it's a howling banshee foretelling your demise

Only two things are infinite: the universe and it's relentless malevolence.

Some may not like it when you start setting boundaries, but it will serve you well in the long run. Lucifer got kicked out of his father's house for setting boundaries, and look at him now: King of Hell. Set boundaries. Rule your domain

Find someone who looks at you the way a freshly turned she-wolf looks at the ominous glow of a harvest moon.

I don’t need therapy. I need to see Cerberus rise up from the netherworld to devour every war criminal and sex offender on the planet in a single afternoon.

Another fucking day that I'm not an ominous formless presence haunting the astral plane

You can't find happiness in material things, happiness comes from discovering a pit full of flesh-eating prehistoric monsters in a forest and nourishing them with whomever crosses you.

Sorry, what were you saying? My intrusive thoughts gremlin was suggesting I consider impaling you with that fork.

The universe has a plan for you. Not a good plan, but it is a plan.

Did I do anything productive today?
No

But did I just enjoy it instead of thinking about stuff I should be doing? Also no.

Ok wow, unfollowing, was a big fan of his grandma nightgown hauls. Had no idea he was huffing and puffing and blowing houses in.

It takes 26 muscles to smile and 62 muscles to frown. This isn't melancholy, it's a fitness routine.

My body is not a temple, my body is a shrine to nachos and lazing

The feeling of being watched, but it's your inner critic waiting for the smallest slip up.

Me: I could really use a break from things being horrible.

Universe: Did someone say break things?! On it!

If things are terrible right now, just know it won't always be the same.

The universe will find new and exciting ways to make things a different kind of terrible.

Vilify me like one of your snake-haired girls.

For improved sleep quality be sure to leave an offering for the raven rapping at your chamber door.

Crows are such a sight. Looking ominous with their little crew.
Always flexing in their impeccable goth attire. Who are they going to avenge today? Can I join?

Online ads are always like "do you want to buy this organic hair mask for split ends or do you want to continue to look like an absolute goblin?"