You can’t be a subway manspreader and cover yourself in cologne. Smh I’m trying to ignore you!!!

I’m teaching him how to unlock the front door of his house with flashlight Morse code

“Oh my god, did you see Brian’s hat?”

The itchening has begun!!! Oooouuu so ichy !!!

Under no circumstances should you ever feel the need to hand it to the Catholic Church!!!

So stoked

Photo of my lower abdomen with my underwear rolled down to show my surgical scars.

Photo of my lower abdomen with stencils of ribbons, stars and chains for tattooing. I’m holding a can of Day’s pineapple soda also!

Before

Wishing a happy Brian’s Hat Day to all who celebrate.

House ground meatballs? You mean the floor??

It’s Alien April 👽

Tim Robinson inspires me to continue to not get Botox. I love making funny faces too much. Sometimes I stand in the bathroom mirror for a few minutes and pull wacky mugs to make myself laugh

Looks like if Penn Jillette became a Denver area chiropractor

To me this one nestles right into the pantheon of “post y2k-pre 9/11” movies along with other classics such as Josie and the Pussycats

Brendon Urie thought he was Klaus Nomi but really he was Fegan Floop

Reassurance Seeking! At the Disco

youtube thumbnail with shocked babies on it: BANNED? 14:33 We Tried EVERY Food From Under The Sink 1M views • 1 month ago

No one wants to cast a wish into a fountain anymore

As a kid I was told by the women in my life how my body would change after pregnancy. Now sterilized, I realize now that no one really imparted on me how much my body would change *without experiencing pregnancy at all.* Like idk you tell me why I’m gaining weight in just my tits! I’m done caring!

If you knew how often I checked USPS website (I don’t fit the bill for most of their jobs bc I can’t drive. But I can learn 🤔)

Looking for a new job in the field of taking long walks around town while listening to music and eating fresh fruit all the time

Concentrate Game — The Haunted Library Concentrate is a game that many people (myself included) seem to have played in some shape or form as children. But it appears that the majority of us were not playing the version in its entirety.&nbs...

www.herhauntedlibrary.com/spookystorie...

Who wants to come over and play hand clapping games with me

Wowwwwww yall I love to sing so much!

The little miscreant

Earning the neighbor’s cat’s trust by slowly blinking at it through the windows of our respective homes that face each other. Btw the cat kinda looks like Peter Lorre

ICE bad and also, around half of people killed by police have a disability. Their final moments are usually spent in frantic terror trying to "comply" with commands before cops shoot. Not opening a door or answering a question fast enough in this country can be a death sentence.

A natural consequence of getting smacked in the head for a living