Got to say "one enema away from solving world hunger" on cable news' most watched show last night. InfoWars is already paying off.

Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.

Omgomgomgomg!

@bencollins.bsky.social please give @knowledgefight.bsky.social the desk or some other artifact!

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

In the same manifesto, Palantir's owners argued that we need a national military draft, that soft power is over, and that we were too hard on Germany and Japan after World War II. I don't think that company should be allowed to exist anymore.

Ossoff: "How does American politics really work? It's coin operated. Money goes in, favors come out. It's been running on secret money, corporate money, billionaire money ... all of this gave rise to a depraved president who exploits this rot to empower and enrich himself"

🔥SEN. @ossoff.senate.gov : “Ivanka’s husband Jared Kushner’s on the Saudi payroll for $2 BILLION— as he leads 🇺🇸 diplomacy + asks sheikhs for billions more… Never have we seen so little effort to hide so much corruption. The Mar-a-Lago mafia taking corruption to spectacular new heights.”

Child: I know your name. Mamdani.

Obama: What’s his first name?

Child: Mayor.

Fucking idiot.

Bahahaha

Sanders: The people have got to determine the future of what happens in our country and in the entire planet, not a handful of extraordinarily wealthy, arrogant, anti-democratic multibillionaires. That’s what they want. They have their goals. They are not our goals.

Watching "Love on the Spectrum" and James is doing more for the environment than Lee Zeldin.

Things that help calm the nervous system, quickly:

- Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat)
- Immerse your face in cold water (activates mammalian dive reflex)
- Humming (stimulates vagus nerve)
- Exercise (anything helps, outside even better)
- Impeachment and removal

timeline cleanse

Ashley used her skills to direct thousands of clicks to families in need. Hire this legend of MPLS and assure that this badass has financial security for herself and family.

The President spent Easter on social media openly talking about committing war crimes like he’s live-posting a sporting event.

This man has the nuclear codes.

The Cabinet and Congress must confront the obvious.

Time for the #25thAmendment.

ANY MEMBER, @mccollum.house.gov

*sister

Looks like he could be my dog's brother!

Holy shit!

Hes only fired the women and put men in place. This isn't any different than everything else he does.

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying theonion.com/rising-conservative-star...

“Biden couldn’t do that”🫤

Q — If someone you were dating literally could not stop comparing themselves to your previous relationship, would that make them seem…

A: Very secure and confident
B: Cripplingly Insecure

Exactly 5 minutes BEFORE Trump announced a 5-day delay in bombing Iranian power plants, someone purchased $1.5 billion worth of S&P futures in a single trade. Someone also sold $192 million in oil futures.

Trump and/or his cronies are engaging in market manipulation and insider trading.

11,000 Japanese citizens stormed their parliament demanding their PM stop following Trump into war. 82% of Japan opposes this.
Protesters surrounded Japan's National Diet building today chanting: "Japan's FUTURE is not in Washington. Stop bootlicking Trump."

Somedays we're Lumo, someday we're Heroes.

Dune and Duner

What would become of origin Shrek? Are you openly calling for the destruction of origin Shrek? Idk how im feeling about this. Not that I can hinder this wish, nor dare would I.

I bought some really good pickles near the massage chairs/Cinnabon and her samples hit! I love that it's become almost like an indoor community marketplace.