Please I must know if I can use the trump phone on the SmartLess network, this is important

Ok kids time to brush your teeth. And make sure you get toothpaste on every surface of the bathroom. Good job guys!

Do NOT put ketchup on the new pope.

Daaa pope

I’m almost sure the cabin from the end of Havoc is the same set from the opening of the pilot of The Studio. Someone please confirm.

Imagine it!

Imagine JD Vance is the last person you see before you die.

I like those videos that are like “wife wanted Taco Bell but we got Taco Bell at home” and then a dude in a hat spends 30 mins and $40 making some soggy bullshit.

Kids are so funny when they’re upset. My 7 year old is angrily ripping his pants off and yelling “when I get angry I get mad!”

Nuts.com: Premium Bulk Nuts, Dried Fruit, Healthy Snacks, and Gifts Nuts.com is a family-owned business offering the highest quality nuts, snacks, dried fruit and pantry staples at home, in the office and on-the-go!

Imagine giving up all that nuts.com sponsorship money

I wish I had the confidence of the dip guy at the farmers market.

Say what you will about the guy, but at least he looks like a melted candle

Can’t wait for an 8-episode Prime series called BOND where nothing happens for 7 episodes and then the season ends with him ordering a martini.

Ah, the holiday where we send our children to school with 24 small bags of plastic trash to give to their friends.

Are transformers action figures or cars?

MCU Presidents are also dealing with inflation (like when their bodies become red and inflate)

For sale: baby sloes. Keyboard missing letters.

Every teen you see wearing giant headphones is listening to Marc Maron.

I didn’t expect this book about a theoretical nuclear war to be so uplifting.

Boston Market recently changed their name to Boston MARKET, a move that increased their market capitalization by 500%

My wife doesn’t seem to think it’s funny when I call her my girlfriend.

Nothing my parents have ever said has made me feel prouder than when the Costco guy said “whoa” when he saw the 4-pack of AC filters I found for $8.

Most people don’t know this but Jean Triplehorn actually shortened her name from Jean Hornhornhorn.

Rent prices are out of control

Nosferatu
Nosfera2
Nosf3ratu
Nos4atu
No5feratu
Nosferatu & Wolverine

*descends into darkness* mm no thank you

He’s so mean

My four year old has started calling me a “stupid old man” when he’s mad at me and it’s maybe the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me.

I don’t see a problem here

Maybe he was just trying to impress the hamburglar and things got out of hand.