My hot take is thats because we're not hippies thank goodness (i was raised by hippies)

Sometimes I think people get mad at others who hold their moral ground because they already sold out their morality years ago and don't understand that some people didn't or don't want to.

thank you, i am working on it. Welcome back, hope you are well too

Yes! I think that’s it

My guess would be very insecure about not knowing their relative income level. I find most people have never looked at this data and base it on vibes. I have had people who make about the same as me and have a family safety net (I don’t) call me rich & themselves poor

That sounds fun thank you for the rec!

I have not! I don’t read a ton of fiction. What it about or what do you like about it?

It is so cruel and evil to make someone experience their wants as terrors

Will then tried to make me feel indebted at their "arguing for my needs" (which they didnt bother to ask me) when Cameron freaked out because I did not agree that I wasnt allowed to talk to my partner alone about anything that could possibly affect Cameron

So i was like uh okay so this person is extremely jealous of their partner dating me, pretending they are not, and ratcheting up their control of both of us and in response I am supposed to compliment them to manage their ego? jesus christ for real you all are fucked up

Will was like oh yeah they dont ever acknowledge their "wrong feelings" like hating polyamory and drafted a possible way i could broach that was the most incomprehensible bullshit & contained a ton of compliments and none of the actual concern at hand

This is when i went to them for advice about how their bestie of a decade+ was being super controlling of me but i thought because they were avoiding their feelings and I thought they would stop controlling me if they addressed them.

Lmao just remembered the time Gillis told me that being extremely manipulative in your language is actually good because its taking into account how people will receive it and its like yes, that is part of it but then it hides your actual meaning intentionally because you know it will upset them

god reading good fiction is actually so fun but I am not very good at finding it. Just blew through 75% of a fun sapphic story in a single day at the beach?

Sometimes I pretend i think so as a bit because its so absurd

It's so hard dealing with paranoia, because what do you even do once you're part of the bad side? I hope its not for a very long time

To all the anarchists who told me, it's not okay to be against my own religious upbringing :p

That sounds lovely! It's fun to have a little quest

Thanks friend. I am glad I am through the phase of my rumination where I thought I might have no correct memories. Its very scary when people can straight up invent actions and you don't believe your own memory.

The way they all strategize constantly about destroying people psychologically who criticize them at all is so fucking terrifying. Also imagine spending your one life on that?

of abusers I had dealt with because they work in DV so should know plenty of their own examples to fake. One was lying about knowing them which this asshole in Seattle did but I just absolutely did not.

One of the weirdest things no bonzo did was accuse me of a lot of things I did not do but I had told them about other abusers doing. It was a grab bag of very specific behaviors that had “worked” as examples. It’s so extra weird and feels intentional they used examples

I wish I didn’t believe people when they said I have bad judgement of the safety of others (so must listen to them) but when I had just been abused *and* just realized I was autistic so people can just lie to me it seemed reasonable. It didn’t matter they had trusted the same people as me

I should be less shocked that people who position themselves as protectors of the vulnerable are themselves abusive, because that’s a basic logic of patriarchy. “You need us, everyone else in unsafe & you have bad judgement unfortunately”

Was looking back at my very sparse journal frim the last year (I was mostly doing throwaway artists way pages) and god the threats keenan sent me to help Cameron protect a rapist were in *July*. There was so much after that stil. I’m not a year out, not even close. It was active new trauma late

Neglect when you’re completely trapped in it with no alternative sources of care will fuck you up

This is the way

What disease?

Why is the river inside

That was just a a like 4 hour spiral thr other day and it was over once my bank errand was done and I feel a lot of relief