My woman said something brutally true:
“Did she even know you if she never once saw your dragons?” Damn…
“What dragons?” wtf… MY STEEL TWIN DRAGONS.
I’m “the guy with the dragon necklace” ffs…
Well… that’s ’cause I chose to take them off until I felt like myself again. So… There’s my answer: 🙂↔️
Thinking back on 25 years since I started working.
Some believe a job is control and money and status… while some others are… adults.
I pay for therapy and meds. I pay for my cat/dog food. I pay for my hobbies and games.
Hot tip?
𝑮𝑬𝑻 ~ 𝑨 ~ 𝑱𝑶𝑩
Or… yk 😌 make your own job if you feel up for it. 👋😘
Val here: Insomia sparked, aptly named “rabbit hole time”. I thought it would be more interesting. Then again no I didn’t. I give it a meh out of ten. Robby babe, you’re wilder than this. 😆🙂↕️ reply here so that you seem absolutely unhinged. (But the good way as opposed to… yk… yup.)
Busted my phone so he gave me his with to do as I please so hi! I’m Val. This man is worth gold. I won. Meahaha. He won too. I’m awesome. He deserves someone ✨good .. like me. Do I sound pompous? Perhaps but it’s fucking true. Laters! Imma read this like it’s a fucking novel. (Slash comedy 🤭)
“Writing exercise 🌼 Psych homework”
Two truths and a lie? Been a while since I played this game. Well, my turn:
• One plus one equals two.
• Two plus two equals five.
• I knew the ending before I allowed the beginning. How? Because I planned it all, over two years in advance. Yes— everything.
16 years ago.
We wore red-green.
The test started. We fought.
9 years ago.
We wore black.
The ceiling collapsed. We kissed.
1 year ago.
We wore camo.
Our boot tips kissed. We flanked.
2 months ago.
We wore sweats.
The sparring began. We danced.
3 hours ago.
We wear quiet.
The story knew. We are.
A rose, is a rose, is… a… rose. 🌸 And a little rose can bloom with the help of such beautiful battle-torn hands, somehow softer than its petals.
Don’t know how to say it, idgaf, won’t make any damn sense. Why post it? For myself and as a keepsake. Here. Cus… yup.
#v #af #omg #srslyhow #didshejust
Val. I have no idea if you’ve seen this profile of mine in a long time. But if you see it… I just wanna tell you that I had forgotten that people like you even existed. You’re the true version of what I wanted. You don’t want me to fit your narrative or feed your ego. You just want… me. You have me.
On the upside… I showed my therapist a short video clip of an online therapist. Then she said “Get serious Rob” still smirking but holding. She didn’t want to laugh but I brought in the big gun: CONTEXT.
Her:
What I’d say having taught for quite a few years ~
Grade: D- Effort: F
Demonstrates a plain, surface understanding of the chosen topic, and demonstrates a stark regression in intent, originality and skill. Fails in thematic depth, authorship and execution compared to prior materia in this subject.
I think I may have found the most low-effort array of pixels ever posted. I’ve seen a stuff online about like… a half eaten taco… hashtagged “meh” which was more exhilarating.
So, I look at my WhatsApp and enter absolute PANIC mode when, after such an evening, my chat with my therapist has one unread message reading “jajajajajaja 🤭🙈” and I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT I SENT, and I’ve been known to mix-up convos.
But…
I just misspelled “receipt”.
💀
Ever played seen fireworks go off? You know when one fizzles out? Mhmmm. It’s… it’s sad… like… not entirely unexpected kind of sad. It’s even sadder when there’s this one person who’s betting on it being amazing and intense— so much that their expectations make them celebrate a dud. That’s worse… 😕…
Absurd... I get it’s a term for a social behaviour of pointing out someone living in a socially disconnected bubble. I KNOW.
But the dumb-shit? This was said cause of my white-ass appearance + speaking in English to my CANADIAN gf.
Souvenir from supposedly-tough Neza. 🤷🏻
(Tough? Entirely mid… 😑)
Someone called me a whitexican today. Fucking hilarious.
“Oh, his pale ass cancels his citizenship and awareness, CABRÓN?”
(Said my girl—not Mexican)
The guy’s taxi comes. We hear the address. She asks if I know the place. I nod. I smirk.
Her: “Where? Oh. THERE... Yup, you’re a whitexican.”
😂🙄
Woke up to a feed of content related to my Matrix tattoo, from an outdated algorithm that forgot who I am.
Scrolled.
I let out a sigh, tbh… with a pinch of second-hand, vicarious sadness pointed outward, at otherness.
I pouted my mouth up and sideway, and arched a brow. Then let out a soft “Hmm…”
From me to the void:
Sure… sure. Whatever you say.
I had the nerve to say “Hun. Don’t feel so good. Crashy.”
She says “Gotcha.” Almost… harshly. 😟
Why? 🥺
SHE ARRIVED AN HOUR LATER. 🥹
At 00:00.
In the rain.
In current day Mexico.
I was stimming in disbelief. She was like “Well, hun what’d you think I was gonna do?”
V 🧡
#showdonttell #easyp
I’m won’t sound ungrateful; J did it maaaany many times- So? its’s not despite but because of such active gestures, that I know this ain’t nothing nor small nor basic. It’s… doing. A LOT.
❤️ Already feeling better. I’m fortunate to know that, beside her, my dearest friend, A, was a call away too.
Turns out so much of my “👩🏻❤️👨🏻 intensity” was just me pushing myself to feel.
Ex: instead of “I WANT do this huge gesture” it was “I wanna be the man who WANTS to do a huge gesture, so I’ll just do it. Maybe It’ll feel like I wanted it.” Daym. 🫢
Now I feel like I DO want it fr. 🥰
Real therapy rocks. 🤘🏼
Some of us care about Mental Health enough to invest in our 🧠 and get REAL therapy… with true professionals which address US, not an online echo chamber with confirmation bias.
If I wanted my new-found narrative to fit, I’d just browse for wtvr conclusion I need… but that ain’t how therapy works. 😉
Okay… she just one-upped herself. Same-ish scenario. I told her “V, cutie, it’s not safe for you to come. What if someone tries to do something to you or some shit?” She replies:
“Don’t worry babe. If that happens, I swear I’ll knock them out fast so I can get to you.”
Knowing her, she meant it… 🥶
On that note… curating who you follow is key… but what about curating your followers? Do they care? Did they curate YOU? Would you follow THEM back? No? Then why’d you want them following you? Oh, cus it’s a +1, right? 🙄 Would they follow you if you change? If it requires them effort? Exactly. No. 👍🏼
Funny thing… I don’t have followers online.
I AVOID it. Cus I have them in… in…
Ah!
Fuck!
What’s the term?
Yes!
𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘.
That’s the term! 🥳
That’s where I for being followed, heard, seen. And… 🤷🏻 I am.
It takes fuck-all to be followed online. 1 click. Now, try to do that in the flesh…
Exactly.
Gah… When the tonedeaf play Deftones. 🤦🏻
Leave it at “be quiet”. 😙
( I wish I had *absolute pitch* though… All’s I got is something to have it rhyme with. ^^ )
Most chilling thing my cute sweet adorable tender bubbly lady has told me:
R: “So as a sniper… sorry- markswoman, what’s the most valuable skill you’ve attained?
V: -
R: …Babe? V, the call froze. V?”
[later]
V: “The skill to wait as long as it takes. And, no, hun, it didn’t freeze.”
R: 🫠 …Ohh…
Well yeah, now I do like social media.
That noise was not external, it was internal. And it’s quiet now. It doesn’t feel like presenting evidence to an empty jury anymore; now it’s me just doing what I want. I still get my way— but… the path is now wanted, organic, enjoyed, aligned, shared.
#VVVVV
I just yelled and stimmed “It’s- it’s 9:18! It’s the time when Neo wakes up in the Matrix after meeting Trin!”
And…
And it was okay. 🥹
The 5 minutes since that were beautiful. ❤️
Ps: I’ve had an alarm every day at this hour since 1999. 27 years later, someone noticed. That’s “the little things.”
Some people would rather be wronged than wronged. 🤦🏻
It’s okay. Whatever floats their boat… well, not boat—a boat has structure, purpose, means to wither a storm, etc.
No, no, their… life-raft. Yes, that’s it.
