the penne opticon

I think about it every time I hear California Dreamin'

A screenshot of my TV shows Homer Simpson with horizontal pupils, not unlike a goat's

Accidentally achieved Hypnohomer

With you on this one.

Handful of Chips, you've done it again

The book absolutely rules, too.

We all have days like this

To quote the prophet Jerematic: one zero zero zero one zero one zero one zero one zero one...

Is anyone missing this dog??

Honestly? The super expensive face creams. And mani/pedis

MAJOR UPDATE: I found the best free restaurant bread in the United States www.theatlantic.com/magazine/202...

Last night I had a dream that I saw a frog, so I'm pretty sure I have luck to spare

Based on the media I consumed, I thought my boss would be coming over for dinner more

A tall white man sitting on a brown couch. He is very handsome with a dark brown beard and mustache. He is cradling a young tuxedo cat named Calzone and they both look very happy

How is it that my husband literally looks like this

I think I found my next career move

Oh hell yeah

Sound up

why’s the wikipedia article about the guy who got struck by lightning seven times written like an onion article

I keep hearing about small breweries closing, but people just don't want a 9% Imperial IPA to chill with after work, and that seems to be all you can get these days

Me, home alone: why is the bathroom door closed
The cat in the bathtub: wow, knock much

We know what must be done 🐱🔫

Elite. So good that even Tofutti can't ruin them

Repost if you had ONE NIGHT STANDS that lasted longer than the Iranian ceasefire

DUDES! HERE'S AN EASY WAY TO BE AN ALLY: TELL US WHAT YOU MAKE (anonymously, for a survey, she's legit)

🫂

Thinking of stealing a hot air ballon? I would’t recommend it. Imagine getting away. Everybody will point at the basket and say that’s him. That’s the guy

Happy Rex Manning Day to all who celebrate

Things that help calm the nervous system, quickly:

- Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat)
- Immerse your face in cold water (activates mammalian dive reflex)
- Humming (stimulates vagus nerve)
- Exercise (anything helps, outside even better)
- Impeachment and removal