Damn me trying to improve my Spanish with a language exchange app. Been chatting with a woman from Colombia talking about food and now I'm craving it so I guess I'll just have to ignore the food we have in the fridge and go get some Colombian food. What an absolute tragedy
Netflix increasing their prices AGAIN?! Y'all better start adding some better movies. Mfs add Apollo 13 AFTER the astronauts returned from the moon, bitch y'all had 10 days while people were all jazzed about the moon and wasted it
Spent nearly two hours earlier looking for my surface pro pen so I could study. Turned the whole apartment upside down. Just found it in the sink stuck to the goddamn nachos pan from yesterday. Guess I should wash the dishes sooner. Will I learn from this? Absolutely not
I want to see one of those like 90s/2000s commercials "if your parent caused you to end up with debilitating disorders you may be entitled to financial compensation" 😂
If I could just get a monthly parental stipend for biweekly CBT/DBT plus the Wellbutrin, vraylar, concerta, Klonopin, and zonisamide, it would definitely make me less unhappy to wake up every damn morning
I'm pissed. I feel like the five psychiatric meds I need to take to just barely function and biweekly therapy should be paid for since I certainly did not ask to exist and frankly would prefer not to most days if given the choice. Like you broke it you buy it, "mom".
He out here asking "am I more of a queen or a diva?"
Girl neither, you're the straightest white man you got pathologically heterosexual energy 😂
I feel like parents should be legally obligated to pay for a lifetime of treatment for disorders they passed down or caused.
Like this is your fault why do I have to suffer financially for your shortcomings as a parent and shitty genetics this is bullshit
My terminally straight boyfriend is at a gay bachelor party and he definitely does not fit in 😂😂😂
And he's such a big ass nerd 😂 "I lack of lore for being here" 😭
*watching Jurassic Park*
Paleontologists: we're not going to visit your park we have science to do
Billionaire: well I could fully fund your dig...for the next three years
Paleontologists: where's the plane
Jose: and that's how you got scientists to end up on your pedophile island
😂😂😂😭
Best response to seeing tater tots at the store 😂 and calling them tarts 😂
LET'S GO BLUE!!!! 💙💛🏀
Me during lunch: I'm feeling a bit nauseous
Him: maybe you caught the stomach virus that I have
Me: nahhh I doubt it
*Immediately vomits up my entire lunch*
Me: well maybe that's a possibility
I think next time I'm just going to text his mom with instructions of what he should do and medicine he should take so he'll actually do it when she calls. Fucking stubborn ass men 🙄
Me: you're burning up I think you have a fever
Him: I'm okay I don't think so
Thermometer: he has a fever
Him: I have a fever I guess
🫠🙄
Me: you have an enterovirus you need to drink water do you don't end up over dehydrated in the hospital
Him: meh
His mom: your aunt had something like that and ended up in the hospital from dehydration you should drink water
Him: I should drink more water
🫠🙄
It's perfect 😭❤️
And for the record, he was right about this one particular thing
As a Michigan grad I gotta go with Ahmadinejad's "Inshallah the U of M will return to it's glory days" 😂
Josh Nalven tweet: I'm sorry Ms Jackson (oooo)/I am four weeks/never meant to make your daughter cry/I am several fish and not a guy
I still sing this.
Tweet from Sean Leahy @thepunningman "The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a strong, call a Bondulance"
This one still fuckin kills me
A woman absolutely windmill dunks on two dork ass losers back when Twitter was cool.
Alex Berenson the vaccine skeptic shithead falls for a "DEEZ NUTS" scam back when Twitter was cool.
Eternal tie between these two absolute gods.
Four tweets by "Italian Elon Musk": "Ayy!! I make a da rockets!!" "I make a the marionettes paint a like Rick a Morty!! "Ayyy I'm a the Pickle Rick!" Paisan" "I just invent anew fruit, I call it a da "tomato"!! I come up a with this all by myself!! Ohh disruptiano!!" "I send a the calzone into space!! I don't pay a the taxes!! Ohhh!!"
screenshot of a urologist explaining "No-Nut-November"..."As a urologist I would like to remind everyone that 'No-Nut-November' is predicated on complete falsehoods about the physiology of ejactulation"... Mary Sue Daniels asks :"Are cashews OK?".
are cashews ok?
Excellent 👌 😂😂
So I learned the hard way that for a urine test here in Spain you have to buy the cup yourself at a pharmacy and bring the pee with you. They don't give you a cup at the hospital and have you do it there
My dad is up to dumbass shit as usual talking some stupid shit that he gonna go buy ivermectin for some friend with serious COVID like wtf are you doing don't do that you moron
Thank you ❤️🥰
I live abroad, if the save act goes through I won't even be able to vote anymore 🙃
Sleep, eating, concentration, everything 😭