ARTIFICIAL DESIRES ARE DESPOILING THE EARTH

tim apple saw this post and realized he's a hack and needed to retire

a screengrab of an email advertising Amazon Health: Get care for 30+ conditions for $0 with Prime - Be the first to try out new AI health agent (OR billionaires pay your taxes and give people real health care for free bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

new torment nexus dropped

ruth’s johns hopkins

sometimes I still think about the time
when I was working at the toy store and a customer approached the register holding a badminton set and asked me, somewhat angrily, “does this work???” — that’s who copilot in outlook is for

[on stage, hoping the power goes out so my suffering ends] nooo ... scruuuubs ... no no

it's cool that i have to turn off copilot in outlook every day because it keeps turning back on despite me constantly turning it off ................ you know your product is good when its main feature is "trick people into using it"

the blue flavor is legit delicious

I need a shave ice machine so I can make pedialyte slushies

you may be unsurprised to hear I do not feel good today lol

me after my child barfed in my mouth

easily top 5 worst things that have ever happened to me lol

me: ope! better wash my hands well so I don’t get sick!
my child: [barfs directly into my mouth]

i don’t want AI i just want a phone that does: imessage, email, camera, snake, end of list

one of my perhaps irrational beliefs is that if steve jobs were still alive, apple would’ve made an updated nokia 3310 dupe that gets imessage

thank you for your serpiss

also, it has literally nothing to do with anything about """wokeness""" except that YOU don't like to see a certain type of person doing things!!!!!

"i am annoyed by a rando at whole foods and/or molly baz" is a perfectly fine opinion to have—i might even agree with you!!—but neither of these things is indicative of some broader cultural trend!!!! a perfect representation of like, exactly what NYT op-ed writers are constantly getting wrong

a conversation between nadja spiegelman and aminatou sow on becoming language police, where spiegelman complains about a (likely) young person at the grocery store who said "cados" for "avocados" and sow describes literally molly baz and only molly baz and they confuse those two things for a broader cultural trend which much be condemned

okay i know this is like 100 years ago in dumb NYT things but i can't stop thinking about this part specifically and i have to say: you are talking about (1) complete rando at whole foods and molly baz. that's it!!!!!

mf said laywer ..... my legal representation, the grink

the trajectory of "dozens of real lawyers rejected my case > well I don't know anything about being a lawyer > let me ask AI > wow AI is better than any real laywer!" is perfect (derogatory)

my son is obsessed with that “who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop” song from grease and honestly it’s worse than baby shark … someone please hit me with a hammer and make it stop

Mister Rabbit YouTube video by Pete Seeger - Topic

pete 5ever

gotta say having a kid right before society started to collapse is not ideal! but even under these circumstances: saw some bunnies in the yard while he was getting his jammies on and requested I sing him pete seeger and that's the kind of shit that makes you cry from all the way behind the moon

I'm disposed to like Prince, the twenty-six-year-old pansexual star of PURPLE RAIN, because he is, as a friend of mine put it, "the fulfillment of everything that people like Jerry Falwell say rock 'n' roll will do to the youth of America." (1984)

Still Alive | A magazine for the living A 190-year-old tortoise.

reports of jonathan the tortoise's death have been greatly exaggerated, which makes this essay even more appropriate: STILL ALIVE! stillalivemag.com/articles/jon...

1 Screenshots from the movie "Chungking Express" (1994): First, a man seen from behind scratches his head while standing in a brightly lit, colorful convenience store filled with snacks, drinks, and magazines, as the subtitle reads, "We broke up on April Fool's Day, so I took it as a joke."

Apr 1st - Police officer He Qiwu is dumped by his girlfriend named May on 1 April.

📽️📅 Chungking Express (1994)

the british really know how to fuck up a candy (complimentary)

For context, we spent twice that in police overtime in Boston last year. At some point, legislators and executive electeds are going to need to deal with the fact that police are strangling the budgets of America's cities.

saw a kid holding a sign that said “you are not a nise prisident” with a drawing of what appeared to be trump falling down a flight of stairs, inshallah it happens