isn’t it crazy u woke up today and continued to perfectly embody a unique template of human life no one has ever lived before

Good lord whyyyyy 😭😭😭

“Don’t spend it all in one place! 😉”

One time like 20 years ago my family found out I liked owls and now I’m still cleaning out massive amounts of owl themed everything 🫠

Pedicure zone at the nail salon today was all dudes and we love to see it!

Robins have been singing since 1 am

Unpacking kid stuff (yes I’m still unpacking) and I just opened this box like “oh goddddddd it’s the mermaid cruise ship”

Saw a video a week ago-ish where this dude was like “no brain only drums” in an answer to someone’s question and that is actually helping a ton with work “no brain only work” lol!!!

Every single day there are dishes and every single day I don’t want to do them lol

Today’s new bird is an Eastern Phoebe!!!

Every woman is a goddess 💅

Please also know it took me almost 7 years to get to this point with my own body too lol

SHOW IT OFF!! I know it’s easier said than done. I forced myself to wear a bikini a month after she was born lol. If it wasn’t normal, it wouldn’t be happening to your body! You contributed to humanity in the biggest way, any haters can fuck right off into the sun

That is cute as heck!!!! I’m trying to be exposed this year so please let me know if either of you come across anything small that may support an hourglass 😂😂😂

As an Aries moon I would like financial compensation for the amount of self control I use on a daily basis 😂 especially right now 😭

0/5 on the swimsuits I ordered 😂 keeping one of them because it has potential…. But don’t tell me my tatas are gonna fit if they will not and believe me I measured myself first too 💀😩

I love him but I’ve never seen him lol

Leaving a stitch fix note “this was boobalicious in the worst way”

I woke up on the couch and looked at my phone the exact moment you posted this lol

Pork chop pockets 💀😂

Men get underwear pockets before women get pockets in jeans 😂😂😂

Jay beat me in posting this 🤣 “low confidence” 💀

Mentally restorative! Physically… no 😂 much needed nonetheless!

Going to have a bath with a cocktail, fruit, cookies, ice cream, and Downton Abbey (as one should)

That’s mysterious

Good things are also happening though too but 😩🫠😵‍💫

The fact that I look like flaming hot garbage is the only obstacle between me and the Malibu rum cocktail cans at Meijer. Or whatever the fuck they actually are lol. What a goddamn week 😂😭

Coming in with the most facetious unhinged advice

You could try sticking your hands directly into the cat box 😂😂😂😂😂

The cosmetologist in me cringes every time I see a video of someone touching the serum dropper to their skin 😭