“I’m on vacation in the Congo, I don’t know what that is, but I’m here on vacation.”

"Are the tariffs on Japan higher or lower than Vietnam? Higher you say? Higher? Oh no! It's the same. I don't believe it. You get nothing for a pair..."

"What's that Skip, you've been added to a top secret group chat on an insecure messaging app?"

Indeed. She was swiftly moved on.

Briefly (very), one time lead singer for the Brand New Heavies.

"We asked 100 people to say who shot JFK. You said 'Penelope Keith'....."

Can we just fast forward to the crucifixion?

Great to see Laura Kuenssberg back. Victoria Derbyshire tried her best but last weeks show just wasn't the same.

Laura is second to none in holding politicians to account. She's worth every penny of her £325,000 salary.

Off topic, yesterday I was kicked in the head by a horse.

#bbclaurak

Krasnov Vodka.

The taste of treason.

"When I was MP for Clacton I hardly ever went there. But I did spend a lot of time at conferences in the US, slagging off the UK and watching nutters give Nazi salutes and wave chainsaws around.”

Go Fuck off.

Tesla redesigns the tachometers and speedometers for 2025 models.

"When I was running for president of the US I promised I’d end the war in Ukraine within 24hrs. But that proved too tough, so I decided to release 1500 criminals and watch a dickhead do Nazi salutes instead.”

I see the big orange man baby has taken it well. What a fucking cry baby 🤣🤣🤣

Now then, now then. Can we fix it for this young man to be on our screens again.
#Elon'llFixIt

And I suppose the Democratic People's Republic of Korea is a democracy and not an authoritarian dictatorship?

Just in case anyone forgot
#TrumpIsACunt

He'll get them relegated to BBC2

64 year old man just discovers capitalism

RIP Sheila

He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's "Mr. Madman" competition.

Lawyers for Liz Truss have asked me to stop saying Liz Truss crashed the economy. I only said Liz Truss crashed the economy because Liz Truss did crash the economy. If she wanted me to not say Liz Truss crashed the economy, she shouldn’t have crashed the economy.
Please don’t share.

Captain Smith issues a cease and desist letter stating it was the iceberg that hit the Titanic
#LizTrussCrashedTheEconomy

He'll fit right in there, he's a proper cunt.

Where was all the outrage then from the usual wankstains?
Oh that's right, there wasn't...

I've had to change the weekly food order to Waitrose from Fortnum's. Hard times all.

Put your finger over Paul Simon's features and Art Garfunkel gets a big droopy Zapata moustache.

None here on the Somerset/Dorset border.