a man in a trench coat and tie is standing in front of a building . Alt: The final Shot from Invasion of the body snatchers

Dont let it near your sleeping area..

This is not a potato its clearly some kind of alien

Oh no did I run one over?

Beethovens Moonlight sonata

🚨 Last call for Zeus Atticus, now under kill command. Fka Lil Bevel Zeus back again. At ACC last summer, adopted 8 months b/f returning in April b/c now adopter says allergic 🙄 Wiggly, athletic, cute, playful, young, neutered. Earned best possible behavior, friendly w/ strangers, kids, dogs & cats.

What were the arms even for other than self distruction?

Tap

Ive never met a single kevin.

Classic anxiety dream that my teeth kept falling out, but also I had an extra row of little teeth between my teeth that Id never noticed before, seemingly just so I had more to fall out.

People love high prices, theyre just lying about it on surveys

How tall is bigfoot in feet? ..and how big are those feet?

Do it! Also we need to hear more of this kids plans. Im guessing theres some chocolate?

Me to 3yo: What do you want for your birthday party theme?

3yo: “Poopoo & peepee theme! We can get apple juice for the pee, so a skeleton pees and you drink the skeleton pee but it’s okay because it’s juice”

Me: ..K I was thinking like “dinosaurs” but let’s put a pin in “piss fountain of the dead”

That wasnt what I was expecting

You ok chuck?

Tucking myself in betwixt two voluptuous sheets of lasagna ✨

I expect a lot of people have seen the second one and said "huh I thought Id seen the first but maybe not?"

Chud II is such a great movie and so amazingly different to the first Chud, like Ghoulies go to college was a crazy sequel but chud 2 was on another level

Haha good cool, but no we were just laying in bed doomscrolling together.

George with all due respect you look a million times more like a linebacker than he does a doctor in that image.

I give the garden squirrels avocado every day. This is probably why I dont own a house.

Sorry chuck I already sliced up all the avocados and gave them to the squirrels..

Oh.. you dont know it?

Having to poop mid delivery..

I dont know that these are a good test of if someones too young, Im 42 and have no idea what youre on about

@octopuscaveman.bsky.social I was just in a bathroom at the mall and there was a guy in the end stall fighting for his life with the loudest most comical farts. I had to question if it was real of if he was just in there blowing raspberries, but pretty sure it was real.
Made me think of you

Airfryers are perfect for reheating pizza

*accidentally farts*

Really? Mine could take the paint off a submarine