I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place

You’ve Heard About Who ICE Is Recruiting. The Truth Is Far Worse. I’m the Proof. What happens when you do minimal screening before hiring agents, arming them, and sending them into the streets? We're all finding out.

A few months ago, ICE hired me

I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable

And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"

My latest for Slate

TBH most of what I remember of letters of marque came from Sid Meier's Pirates!

ICE detains woman whose lawyer insists is US citizen. DHS says she isn't Federal agents arrested Dulce Consuelo Diaz Morales on her way home in Baltimore, Maryland.

"Her family has now been told she has been deported, despite US District Judge Brendan Hurson ruling Thursday that she could not be deported pending a hearing...attorneys said Monday that they have...confirm[ed] with the hospital she was born in Maryland." https://bit.ly/3MMdJvz

And now, Charlie Brown, I give this watch to you.

Reading Rainbow Is Back, With Mychal the Librarian Hosting! - Reactor The butterfly is back in the sky; can’t wait to fly twice as high.

EVERYONE STOP EVERYTHING Mychal the Librarian is hosting the Reading Rainbow revival!!!

reactormag.com/reading-rain...

He's not just tacky and tasteless. He's a monarchist, and so he's desecrating our iconic national symbol of having a republican head of state. Any of the Founders would have immediately clocked his Oval Office as vulgar Versailles wannabe crap, wholly incompatible with American norms and values.

a nation on edge holds its breath as the former host of celebrity apprentice huddles with his advisors, the wrestlemania ceo and the former co-host of fox & friends weekends

For Mathis lovers

americans fantasized they were in a recession, and then elected a man who could make their dreams come true

between this and wallstreetbets tariffs may genuinely end up being the most deradicalizing thing that has happened to young men since gamergate started

this shit sucks so much, most of us have lived through at least 3 other recessions now im just so sick of this shit they just keep stealing our future from us

"I did not have textual relations with that man, Mr. Goldberg"

You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet onyourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet

Holy Ship!

Louisiana Governor Flexes Power to Police New Orleans, Defying Local Preferences - Bolts As millions tuned in to watch the Super Bowl in New Orleans this month, outside the Superdome in the central French Quarter, thousands of law enforcement officers patrolled the streets.... Read More

NEW: The Louisiana governor for office clearly signaling he wanted to crack down on New Orleans. Now he keeps finding excuses to deploy state police in the city, citing temporary reasons that local critics warn are becoming permanent.

Delaney Nolan reports for Bolts: boltsmag.org/louisiana-go...

Dear manager, here's what I've done this week:

1. I lied
2. I cheated
3. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men
4. I am an accessory to murder
5. But the most damning thing of all… I think I can live with it

Computer, erase that entire email.

1. Tumbled out of bed
2. Stumbled to the kitchen
3. Poured myself a cup of ambition
4. Yawned and stretched
5. Tried to come to life

Costco and Trader Joes are yin and yang. Together they form a harmonious balance. One sells big piles of normal food, the other sells small piles of weird food. These are the two food piles people need

Inside of you are two guys, a girl, and a pizza place

Inside of you are FOUR LIGHTS

🧵 1/x
Let's talk about the last time the US government incarcerated an antire fucking ethnic group, because the warning signs are already there, & most Americans still call it "the internment," as if 120k Japanese Americans, 100k of whom were American citizens, spent 3 years at some government spa.

I always say it’s a well-rounded meal.

Welcome to everyone new to Bluesky! Here are 4 (illustrated) steps you can take to make your experience here more pleasant than what you left behind on X and/or Threads. A 🧵

Fun fact, I don’t really watch the Simpsons, so for years people would use that quote and I thought it referred to Kodos the Executioner from Star Trek.

Out in the pool having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They're all just out of frame, swimming too.

[to the tune of The Distance by CAKE]

she's reading the discourse
she's scrolling through skeets
she’s all alone (all alone)
all alone in her Bangers feed

Just want to say when the inevitable Vince McMahon true crime documentary comes out on Netflix I’ve known he was a bastard since 1997