They gotta stop letting Rocket Money sponsor the NBA. Buddy I know where my money is going. I have thirty streaming services to watch five games a week.

I think for a band to really fucking rip they need at least one fat guy as a member. OR, two chunky guys. Idk the math I just know that’s how it has to be.

Someone gotta teach Israel to read man. It’s CEASEfire not PLEASEfire

Just had a call with the billing dept for my doctor bc I wanted to know why I was getting charged $200 even though I have insurance and she said copays don’t kick in until a deductible is met and I was like “damn this shit is a scam” and she said “I know girl” lmfao

If yall didn’t want a white boy saying aicham when he’s inconvenienced yall wouldn’t have put Kim’s Convenience on my television screen

Actually can’t remember the last time any gaming company has come out with a sequel as good as Slay the Spire II has been. Nine years later and this team is just absolutely on top of their game it’s so fucking awesome.

Well I’ve only seen two of the movies so idk if he gets worse but he seems okay thus far

Smokin a joint and eating a steak. now that’s what I call grass fed beef

Been watching the twilight movies with my wife and I’m neither team Edward nor team Jacob. I’m actually team Mike. Bella girl you need to be with a guy who’s just a regular guy.

fellas be wanting to have a ménage á trois but they haven’t touched their duolingo app in months. brother u are worried about the wrong oui oui

behind every strong man is a strong woman who makes him google and look stuff up on reddit for her

Concerns about focusing on increasing shareholder value when you begin to feel the joy and whimsy of the holiday season? Worry no more. I have compiled a 12-step guide that will enable you to repress your humanity to drive corporate profit against your own best interests 🧵⬇️⬇️⬇️

it’s crazy shirts cornered the market so hard on clothes that if you’re not wearing one you’re shirtless. nobody says you’re mockneckless

Gotta say not enough porn is passing the bechdel test for me

Something about women with big ol’ butts that I’m tired of staying silent on is that them farts are LOUD

I’m serious this time I’m actually gonna use bluesky

Something I feel should probably be illegal but seems to be fine is when a company makes you take an aptitude test as part of the application process

my literal wife who married me and loves me called me sexy four days ago and I’m still riding that high

They had to know man. They just had to

i’m just a boy

nosferhawktua — has anyone had this thought? just me?

I feel for republicans. Gotta be tough to be playing the “Is the guy I built my personality around for the last decade the subject of a worldwide conspiracy to frame him as a pedophile or is he just a pedophile” game constantly

I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people who don’t watch SNL be so upset about the new SNL cast members

I thought legalizing gambling would be cool but once again capitalism has sucked all of the fun out of being a degenerate

jacking off to Lola Bunny call that a Gooney Tune

Here are my two small dogs in a tent together hanging out

But only if it’s because they have a really stupid and bad opinion. Not if they’re just like annoying but in a harmless way or something

I wish the block button killed the person I was blocking

Actually feel really bad for Bethesda and the Oblivion remaster because it got completely overshadowed by the best game to be released since Oblivion came out the first time

look at my dog lawyer I’m going to jail 😭😭