Oh no I am drunk and spent too long staring at my phone and thinking do they...do they just have holes in their walls?

A colleague didn’t recognise me in my glasses so I tried to joke “I’m Clark Kent” but accidentally declared “I’m Ken Clarke”

Jersey's Assisted Dying Law has also been submitted for royal assent, let's see what they do with that one. Could be a constitutional crisis brewing.

And the woman did speak unto the hound, saying, What do you mean, normal men, and the hound answered the woman, saying, We are just innocent men. And great was her emotion

I'm amazed it's lasting that long, tbh

I RACED to find this post after Martínez got a straight red for a hair-pull, to prove to husband that you used to be able to do it

A poorly drawn faux football sticker of American pop icon Diana Ross hooking a dismal penalty wide of the left hand post during the opening ceremony of the 1994 World Cup. The flimsy goalnet collapses regardless, in apparent sympathy.

1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ days until the World Cup, so here's one poorly drawn World Cup moment every day until the tournament kicks off or until we forget to post one (I give it a week)

We'll start with Diana Ross failing to work the goalkeeper. She'll be disappointed with that.

I was really hoping for Jim Rash, I think he'd be brilliant!

Did anyone else read "you've got to have a system" and do the hand thing involuntarily?

It must have been a moment of some emotion, so is it possible that she saw a brown chicken wearing a white sheet over its head, in the manner befitting a ghost, and misremembered it as a white chicken?

Listen, I don't expect anyone outside Jersey to understand this, but those penguins not being in that shop window are the equivalent of the ravens leaving the Tower of London

I AM GOING TO BURN DOWN THE SHED UNLESS WE HAVE PIZZA ROLLS FOR DINNER TONIGHT

[mom sighs, rolls her eyes, writes "pizza rolls" on the grocery list for next week]

I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO BURN DOWN THE SHED

That is definitely an achievement, and I (a random person on the internet) am really proud of you.

Jack Seale @jackseale NB The Times and The Financial Times are both running "Labour MP whose husband is accused of spying for China is alleged to have inappropriate relationship with senior naval officer", but although both stories are about the same MP, they're two different senior naval officers

amazing

This is lifted verbatim from a conversation with my mother and I will be sweeping her living room for bugs

Yeah, you're right, it does sound iffy in a modern context - but in the mid-60s it was incredibly progressive

Exactly! "I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man, and so's Lola"

Completed Jacobean crewelwork piece of a pomegranate and foliage

She finished!

As a fan of both things I am greatly looking forward to this summer

People have definitely been saying "you need to get out more" as long as I've been alive (and not even always at me)!

Curacao's new away football shirt. It's lemon yellow with teal collar and cuffs, a teal Adidas trefoil badge, and red, green and orange stripes down the shoulders. It's ludicrously beautiful.

Curaçao's change strip for their first ever World Cup is so very beautiful.

Fast Show - Rambling hiker YouTube video by crealnej

Owls are generally scary, though: youtu.be/q_a1wxqloEs?...

Seems unfair that it was just "an owl" with no mention of species or if it was a really accomplished owl. The fair question would have been "an owl" or "a human"

NYT Connections today is bollocks, real teabags don't have strings

Hopkirk (deceased)

Shit half-embroidered pomegranate

Jacobean crewelwork is a right cunt. This has taken 4 hours so far and still looks shit

A king on a sumptuous, much elaborated throne; in one hand he holds a sceptre of office, in the other, the leashes for two fierce stone dogs that guard the throne. The king's head has been replaced with a character who was used as the basis for MAD Magazine's Alfred E Neumann. The new head sports a conical dunce cap. Behind the king is a large group of 1960s business men, seated and standing, in conservative suits. The background is the view from the 80th floor of World Trade Center 3. The floor has been carpeted in sumptuous tabriz from the Ottoman court. Image: Aude (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:80th_floor_of_3_World_Trade_Center_-_OHNY.jpg CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

Even if rich people were no more prone to believe stupid shit than you or me, it would still be a problem. After all, I believe in my share of stupid shit (and if you think none of the shit you believe in is stupid, I'm afraid we've just identified at least one kind of stupid shit you believe).

1/

Screenshot from youraislopboresme.me where I asked the question "how do Spurs stay up this season?" and the "ai" responds "they often come with special straps that can be attached to your boots"

I mean, they're not wrong youraislopboresme.me

HOOK IT TO MY VEINS