When you realize that your deceased parent made your life events all about them and there’s nothing you can do about it so you just get belatedly annoyed

I forgot how boring my life actually is

Do angelinos have an aversion to light and being able to actually see their food? Or do they think if they can’t see it, then the calories don’t count?

To the frat bro who spat out his gum in front of me on the floor in D25, instead of the trash can 2 aisles over…thank you soooo much for making my night. You psycho sicko

I got conked in the head by a boxed closet rack. I don’t think it knocked any sense into me

You know, if enough of us say on the internet that it's important to wash your cybertruck with saltwater and lemon juice to preserve the finish, eventually ChatGPT will start telling cybertruck owners that.

bugs bunny is hugging a man in a tuxedo and says `` thank you ... thank you very much ! '' ALT: bugs bunny is hugging a man in a tuxedo and says `` thank you ... thank you very much ! ''

Sometimes my one liners crack me up. One of my coworkers mentioned that his mom wouldn’t let him have a mint colored backpack as a kid. My dumbass asked “was your mom in denial about you being gay?!”
Cue coworker #2 cracking up from 3 aisles over.

dory from the movie finding nemo is swimming in the ocean ALT: dory from the movie finding nemo is swimming in the ocean

Thank you for telling me every two seconds that everyone is busy. I get the point. Or do you actually think I’m Dory?

Is there a better feeling than returning to your own bed after several sleepless nights while traveling?

Nope, I don’t need that kidney Brown. Thanks for discovering that for me

Holy shit that was fun.

@swerveconfident.bsky.social and @princekingnana.bsky.social dressed for the occasion as we prepare for #AEWAllInTexas LIVE ON PPV at the top of the hour!

Wish you could be here too! Enjoy from home!

#happyplace

The more I sit with it, the more I can’t stand Eddie. And knowing what’s coming ruined the entire show for me

a man and a woman are standing next to each other and the woman is holding a red cup and says hmm better not . ALT: a man and a woman are standing next to each other and the woman is holding a red cup and says hmm better not .

I sometimes think about restarting 9-1-1, but then I think of Fat Amy in pitch perfect and think mmmmm better not. Towards the end, certain characters pissed me off, and I’m still not interested in reliving THAT episode

Idk what’s worse. Wondering if my phone is broken, or that everyone in my inner circle ignored/missed my call. Guess it’s a good thing it’s not an emergency. 😞🥺

I just want a taco buddy

Things I never thought I’d say at 7am on a Wednesday

That is a wee wee in my face. Brownie, why is your wee wee in my face?!

Somewhere, out in the cloud, are several ring video clips of me wiping out on the ramp in front of my parents old house. And probably security footage of me wiping out in various places of employment.

The ground can not be trusted

When you have a headache, but the dog doesn’t get the memo, and now must sing you “the song of his people” because a dude had the audacity to walk next to the car 🤕☠️

Well, since I can’t spend Father’s Day with my dad, I spent it with his dad instead.

What is sleep?

And for a palate cleanser here’s the adorable face I have the joy to wake up to every morning

Yup. Been about 2 months and I’m still mad. Tried reading something that used to bring comfort, and it felt like touching a bruise. It’s now the weewoo show that must be nameless. Damn it, one of my friends made me ornaments for it just this last year too.

Oh…apparently, my eyes are super healthy…they just suck at the thing they’re supposed to do. #blind #moosecantsee