What one fool can do, another can.
-- Ancient Simian Proverb


[platitudes/451]

If people drank ink instead of Schlitz, they'd be better off.
-- Edward E. Hippensteel

[What brand of ink? Ed.]


[drugs/82]

Quid me anxius sum?

[ What? Me, worry? ]


[translate-me/7]

If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for
MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a
GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!


[zippy/284]

Davis' Law of Traffic Density:
The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to
1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.


[definitions/246]

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
-- Vroomfondel


[education/186]

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.


[riddles/65]

You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!


[computers/1004]

Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- film clips at eleven.


[news/15]

The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from
the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called
cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"


[pratchett/1]

Ego sum ens omnipotens.


[translate-me/2]

Two brothers, Mort and Bill, like to sail. While Bill has a great
deal of experience, he certainly isn't the rigger Mort is.


[sports/138]

Proletarians of the world, look into the depths of your own beings, seek out the truth and realise it yourselves: you will find it nowhere else.
-- Peter Arshinov


[anarchism/793]

Hi! You have reached 555-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and
the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible. Please
leave your name and message after the beep...


[pets/19]

Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
-- Pyrrhus


[politics/62]

Never trust an operating system.


[computers/520]

Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!


[riddles/71]

Canada Bill Jones's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.


[definitions/158]

When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband.
When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.
-- Oscar Wilde


[men-women/516]

"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet."
-- Jay Leno


[pets/25]

Nobody ever died from oven crude poisoning.


[miscellaneous/395]

Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your
own ZIPCODE?


[zippy/500]

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
-- George Eliot


[people/28]

I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't.
-- Nero Wolfe, "Over My Dead Body"


[people/380]

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
-- "Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"


[literature/53]

Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
-- Yogi Berra in his rookie season.


[sports/16]

The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from
the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called
cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"


[pratchett/1]

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree
that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.


[medicine/65]

The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from
the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called
cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"


[pratchett/1]

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a
fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.
-- Montesquieu


[law/169]