Imagine making this joke to Ken Jennings and doing a smug little chuckle and closing Bluesky for iPad and coming back and this happened. I’d be hanging off a pier by noon.

Five dollar coffee so I could use the bathroom to #shit a crap on the way to work that’s a dollar and pound bargain

Wow!!! This has really made me think this morning !!

I don’t know!!! I don’t know!!!!

Uhhhhhh uhhhhhhhh

We have been gifted a promotional body bag from a crematorium we no longer use and I prefer the plain black ones.

Him: you better not have been chewing on blue crepe paper again
Me:

coles truck in the woolworths parking lot... ill fortune comin

Wow you’re right

Oh ok silly gooses

Ethel Cain covers Drive-By Truckers’ ‘Angels and Fuselage’ for Like A Version YouTube video by triple j

youtu.be/1v2QLcmStbI?... this is the one this is it.

Just did a pitch perfect rendition of me and Bobby McGee to a room of people on their phones… they don’t know

As subjects of The Empire I do keep a picture of the monarch in the house (Lady Greyhound the mascot for Greyhound Busses in the 1950’s)

The venom with which I responded surprised even me

Standing at the counter at Woolworths literally this close to it. My hand is on the counter. And this woman comes up to my side. Sticks her head in my field of vision. And says “ARE YOU WAITING?”

Can’t stand cat shit and piss tbh it’s worse than anyone else’s

Some of you would crumble if you had to spend one morning scooping the amount of shit that I scoop daily

Idiot terrorist moron

Thank you to two brave soldiers

💯

Kim @kim Kardashians my gooter too wide

Pissed in my SKIMS because the pussy piss hole flap is too narrow #pissedinmyskims

To love him by knowing without seeing all his little colours and patches and wanting to keep pieces of them all 😭

Sitting with a little dog who’s here as moral support for his brother who’s getting closed up after surgery. The tumour in his bladder is massive and so he will be going to sleep. And the little guy has no idea he’s about to lose his brother and I wish it was me instead lol

(transferring to Arthur’s school from Arthur) so what the fuck are you guys

Can u watch them while I go smoke

Now I am become happy. Haver of a nice day.

I’ve been doing a little slicked back thing today and I don’t hate myself for once

I have whatever disease Steve Irwin had because all I can think about is grabbing him

Walked in on a water dragon with extreme gravitas at the friendship garden