Me: (tripping up the stairs at work) Wow, thank god no one saw that!

Also me: (walking into my control room) You guys, I totally tripped up the stairs just now!

Happy 5th Gotcha Day, Jules!

Girls will be like “I really needed this” and it’s literally just her dog gazing at her adoringly any chance he gets.

Thanks, I do. And two German Shepherds who shed like it’s their reason for living. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Spent the day deep cleaning the house. Looks great! Eventually I’m going to have to let everyone back inside, since we unfortunately still live here.

Do I delete my search history? Never.
Do I delete my calculator history? You’re G*d damned right I do.

If you don’t have a conversation with one person taking place simultaneously over multiple apps at varying levels of seriousness… are you even friends?

Anyone else ready to trade in their seasonal depression for seasonal allergies?

This is how he helps me shovel. Sitting directly in my path. 11/10 ⭐️ goodest boy.

He’s healing but he’s so over it.

Exactly. I’ve done enough today. Now we’ll gage plenty of food for the storm

Did I do a major grocery shop today ahead of the Nor’easter that’s hitting tomorrow? Yes.

Did I just order DoorDash for my son and I because I don’t feel like making/cleaning up dinner tonight? Also, yes.

Must we add the “feels like”? I promise you I don’t feel the difference between 13° and -4°. They’re both freezing. I don’t need these kind games.

Congratulations guys! We made it to January 75th!

My sweet Milo who I had a wonderful 17 years with. Feel free to share pics of your dachshunds (I purposely didn’t say weiners)

Some women get the urge to have another baby after their kids start getting older…I have the urge to get another mini long haired dachshund.
(Dachshund tax in comments)

My helper 🖤

Spent a good portion of the day shoveling with no issues. Just pulled a muscle trying to extricate myself from my sports bra to shower.

Did weights today but forgot to start the workout on my watch so it didn’t count.

Just found some peppermint bark in my fridge which means Christmas isn’t officially over yet.

I’m not sure the car wash thought this text through.

On this day in 1995 the last Calvin and Hobbes ran.
"A New Year...A fresh, clean start!"
Happy New Year everyone! 🍾🥂 🎇

I didn’t either…until I saw my parents had one. It’s nice bc they don’t really have a source of water in the winter. My son got me the bird cottage which is made of different bird food so they can eat it. It was jammin all day today 😂

Thank you! There was so much activity there today! Now we are getting dumped on with snow but they’ll have a place to get water

Being 47 means being very excited for your new heated birdbath that you can watch from your ring camera, apparently.

I used the voice control on the remote to call up How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Instead of doing that, my TV explained how he did that. I guess I don’t need to watch it now.

Me: (overstimulated and overwhelmed) I want to scream!

12yo son: Do it.

My dog was trying to stick his head in the food bin while I was getting his dinner. I pushed him away and said “this ain’t a buffet, Kit.” He didn’t get but I cracked myself up.

I’m usually not envious of others, but my son’s ability to get 9 hours of sleep a night, while not getting up once to pee, is hard to ignore.

What level of relaxing am I doing today you ask? I just used the ring camera to see how much time is left on the dryer to save myself a trip downstairs.