well well well, if it isn't my old nemesis "making a tedious phone call"

"I never would have thought to look there" me after finding something I put away

"his and hers gun set" might be the most american thing I've ever heard

CANADA WILL

I shouldn't have to specify when shopping online that I don't need my birdfeeder to have AI

on facebook marketplace, everything is vintage

"breaking bad" but make it the Hamburgular

"What a thing it is, to witness the changing of the world..."

you know those shirts that have an american flag and say shit like "if this offends you go back to your country"? I want one with a Pride flag that says "if this offends you go to therapy"

so let me get this straight - I can singlehandedly rebuild a community centre, clear mines of monsters, and heal the ocean - yet I can't run for mayor?? smh

you know you've found a good youtube video when you need to switch playback speed from 1.25x to 1x

I'd really like to know who senior mint is

it honestly bothers me when people say "we don't deserve dogs" because it's such a low opinion of our worth as a human species. we all deserve unconditional love and kindness just for being alive and around, we don't need to "earn" it as a privilege.

listen - life is terrible. order that plain cheese pizza. enjoy your chicken tenders and fries. drink an entire gallon of plain milk. wgaf

is that cappuccino maker load bearing?

Not sure I'm a real person anymore tbh

Is this some kind of trick? because I am totally susceptible to those

Translate hieroglyphics like no one's watching

I've never done hard drugs, I always make sure the crack is nice and soft before smoking it

Music peaked when Das Racist released their remix of Combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell

You were laminating... without me?

If we're going to be friends I'm going to need to hear your best Waluigi impression, it's just how it goes.

I can't be a doctor, I love doing harm too much

if the world really is going to end can it happen soon please, maybe even today? before I have to go into work?

damn India completed their moon mission successfully AND @hankgreen.bsky.social is in complete remission? what a day to wake up

hi yes hello everyone, due to inflation & the current political climate what was once said as "another day, another dollar" will now be said as "another day, another dime". thank you for your time today.

I like music that sounds like an angel crying over a keyboard

Every so often I get irrationally angry because THAT SONG WAS CLEARLY ABOUT HIM like why front Carly???

Me: I should get out of the house more

Also me, having plans to get out of the house: Man I wish I could just stay home

A picture of a shopping carousel featuring a denim thong, titled "Low Rise Booty Denim Shorts"

your order is out for delivery. Not to me but to one of you.