male pattern baldness... for women

holy shit, a flood of memories. i think i will apply to have my birthday officially changed to F3

Do you ever find cippolinis all over your house because your boys got into the fuckin' onions last night and now you can't cook dinner properly?

never heard of him

reusing last year's calendar to save money

i drink water every single day and somehow i'm still dehydrated

Metro Goldwyn Mayer lion

Lion from Tho Wizard of Oz

believe it or not this is the same actor

thinking about what time is it

Starting a new diet where I fast between all my meals and snacks. No exceptions!

“Risotto” is Italian for “slop”

The Santa Clause (1994): ★★★☆☆ A man falls off a roof, dies, and quickly dissolves. The protagonist then dons the deceased’s clothing and assumes his identity while under pursuit for the abduction of his child.

Unfortunately I would not eat this because there is a nose in it.

I invented botulism.

holy shit—10 years….that’s almost a decade of friendship, tattoos, tofurkeys, and urgent trips to the “hospital” (not to mention Christopher St).

that was the year i either got the “LOL AF” tattoo or the “Live Laugh Love” tattoo

a beautiful and serene moment conjured through millions of years of evolution, building to the inevitable, what we’ve all been biologically primed for at the cellular level:

“i’d like to speak to a manager”

What the fuck.

i just keep getting hotter and smarter

the venn diagram of real gamers who also fuck but can drive is 3 circles that will never touch

lol who is this for?

The press release mentions the Mint has plans to release a $17 coin the size of a standard dinner plate early next year.

Reactions from the Canadian public have been mixed. With one individual noting:

“This thing is just way too big, it doesn’t even fit in my pocket—what were they thinking?”

And another commenting:

“Hell yeah, you can skip these f*ckers all the way across the pond!”

The Director of Commerce is quoted:

“Prices have become so big […] we thought, you know, like a bigger coin would probably help?”

The Royal Canadian Mint announced today a new $7 coin which is roughly the size of a tea saucer. The coin is intended to directly combat recent inflation woes.

I love when babies discover their hands and then for the next two months look like little sorcerers casting spells.

it's what it's

Slivered almonds in human form.

Apparently you are in my phone twice, both times as Slivered Almonds.

👌

Entering a raisin phase of life.

Piller's Salami Whips™

Italian BDSM

goodbye!