The 25/26 Premier League run-in

My favourite snooker player is Whoever Is Playing Ali Carter

What do I get

Bouquet Garni up the arse and it's thyme for a wank

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

My barber is 6 years younger than me, the world has gone mad

I'll give you a bizarre lack of jokes in a minute

Don Bradman was a lousy cricketer, couldn't even bat

DUCK

We've not tried it yet because our bin is on Friday. The irony is, if it doesn't work we won't be able to throw it out. No room in the bin.

My wife has recently bought a bin squisher: you hook it onto the handle and press all the rubbish down so you can get more stuff in. A major development in bin science.

And some of those people *weren't even in* Sgt Pepper's band

Apparently so

I'm not in pain but my sleep was nevertheless interrupted but a cold cat leaping on my chest and purring her fucking head off

I'd like it known that my interest in and tolerance of extreme left wing politics is identical to my interest in and tolerance of extreme right wing politics, i.e. zero.

So everyone just knock it off, there's a love.

Within a 6 hour period this morning I had both forgotten about Dre *and* been fooled by the rocks J.Lo had got.

Unbelievable.

Breakbeat hardcore was the music of my life, its the only new thing that emerged during ny lifetime that truly blew my mind

Cor my crabs and piles

Whoever wins The Traitors is ready to go

I'm listening to Don't Leave Me This Way by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. 50 years old this year. The Communards' version is 40 years old this year.

Both are fresh to death.

In de pines
In de pines

Twcs

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

Former Brighton player Liam Rosenior. They're our bitch forever.

I can actually SEE covid being born in this picture

Gentrified Scum is a good idea for a film.

This year I'm going to learn how to play the Amen Break on my nutsack

Yer cake's on fire

Just crack a window and leave them behind.

That might be for dogs in a car.

Dry Jan is what I call your mum.