Blue shell the rich

Ok but if you're pitching to kids at the orphanage, "and you'll get to live in an amusement park!" would be a solid selling point

Wait, sorry to jump in here, I think the request was for bad takes, and this take you posted is simply correct.

It's been absolutely wallpapering the feed all day and I still haven't.

Do we get to turn the municipal golf courses into walkable neighborhoods of food forests and green affordable housing yet?

Ok but if you ever hang out in places full of naked strangers, every 3rd conversation is, in fact, a gender neutral, inside-voice dialogue version of exactly this.

At least the US IS sending in USS Gerald Ford, named for the president who fell down all the time. The carrier whose laundry room caught fire, whose toilets keep breaking, & whose sailors just left Split, Croatia, The City With Signs In English Telling You Not To Piss Or Vomit On Diocletian's Palace

Red Bull scientists studying mechanism by which Red Bull gives you wings

SPACE WITCH: We must check if you are the magical girlboy. Put your hand in the magic pain box. It causes extreme pain.

PAUL JIHAD: Why?

SPACE WITCH: What are you, a pussy?

PAUL JIHAD: No! Watch this. OW. I can so this all day.

SPACE WITCH: lol. You just put your hand in the oven, dipshit.

Also calculators can do math.

I really feel like a game of "match the MAGA lady with her original face" would be more challenging than folks may realize. If you showed me that picture without knowing who it was I'd never know it was Noem.

TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY REMINDER:
today, cis people can see you. Keep this in mind when plotting any heists, schemes, or exploits.

Cis people can also see you on any previously recorded CCTV footage which they review today, as well as any such footage captured today, even if viewed in the future.

Ah shit. Is it trans day of visibility again? Already did a bunch of shit I was hoping that the straight people couldn't see.

Here Come The Anti-Woke Venture Capitalists A group called New Founding is among the investors building an 'anti-woke' blueprint for venture capital — and billionaire Marc Andreessen is in.

Well apparently Nate Fischer and National Founding are all about "national cultural renewal" and I guess the fascist rejection of analysis, critique, and basic literacy stays winning. www.forbes.com/sites/davidj...

Sure! "Cyclists have a right to the road, too, you noisy, polluting, inconsiderate maniacs! I hope gas goes up to eight bucks a gallon!"

$8 a gallon for gas???

That's right

Oh huh, I wonder if it worked.

Trump to revoke protections for endangered species in Gulf of Mexico President is convening so-called ‘God squad’ to override provisions of Endangered Species Act for ‘national security’

Attack and Dethrone God Squad.

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

Pope Leo says God rejects prayers of leaders who wage wars Pope Leo said on Sunday that God rejects the ‌prayers of leaders who start wars and have "hands full of blood", in unusually forceful remarks as the Iran war entered its second month.

Pope Leo says God rejects prayers of leaders who wage wars reut.rs/4rZIThC

crucial security advice

If I were Jesus I would feel awkward about a member of my fan club dragging my name up like this in the middle of a No Kings protest.

Google satellite of Mound Key

Artist's reconstruction of the great house on Mound Key, a 30 foot high shell mound island atop which the first Spanish governor of La Florida and his 500-man entourage were greeted by "King Caalus" and his 500 warriors, as well as Caalus' wife, who was just across a narrow canal standing next to her own great house with her own 500 person entourage

Elevation map of Mound Key, showing the great mounds, the Grand canal cutting through the island, and the sunken "courts" which served as stockyards for fish to feed the people on the Key

In your quest for weird islands, can I interest you in Mound Key, an artificial island 30 feet hight, made of shells, capital of the Calusa Chiefdom in 1566, when the Calusa heard a Spanish offer of "bend the knee to our king" and presumably responded with "IDK, how many islands has your king made?"

FOX NEWS: Why isn't Trump involved in trying to end the government shutdown?

MIKE JOHNSON: I think he is involved

FOX NEWS: He shot down the plan yesterday

JOHNSON: Well, that's what's been reported

FOX NEWS: He said it in the Oval Office

Ok but: if Vance has to touch you personally, the Islamic Republic might currently be immune to the death touch, since Still Totally Alive Just Very Badly Injured New Ayatollah Khamenei hasn't been seen in public since the US warcrimed his whole family to death, so there might not be a guy to touch.

It's not great when the Questionably Alive Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran is the one who's making proposals that sound kinda grounded in reality.

At some point people are going to realize they’ve been viewing this war and this moment through a delusional lens and the dying vapors of American exceptionalism and then all hell is going to break loose.

Because real trek hits its stride in season 2.

guy who gets mad at ice at the airport because candy crush is for fake gamers

I've started imagining everything the president says through the filter of a 3rd grade boy who doesn't know what's happening, but hears grownups use words & ideas which he tries to repeat when asked questions.

Please let me know if you find any presidential statements that don't fit this filter.

Introduce the Strait Of Hormuz to the Queers Of Hormuz and the MDMA Of Hormuz and eventually maybe the Poppers Of Hormuz

Remember when the Onion bought Infowars and then a judge stepped in and blocked the sale because apparently they wanted to watch Alex Jones fail entirely on his own merits?