ChatGPT: you’re right you’re so much smarter than him. He’s so schlubby and you’re so suave. Columbo will never catch you.

guardians of the galaxy.... more like guardians of my house (i hired the guardians of the galaxy to guard my house)

That's not where a penis is, that's a phone

You know she shouldn't be driving anymore, her health bar is almost empty

*smells like teen spirit voice* venezuela

Gavin Newsom lookin regular and cool as all get out. kinda seems like he's got those wind up chattering teeth in his mouth and he's trying to play it cool as they clatter around

i love you president teeth. i mean president newteeth. no. president toothsome. presidenture newteeth some. FUCK i. love. president. chewsom

DOCTOR: I told him he needed to get out to a show, that was how he would cure his depression.

CHOTINER: So you learned this technique in school?

DR: No, not— listen it was good advice. Pagliacci was in town.

C: Right. Is it standard to give advice before learning a patient’s name?

DR: Now look

bbc news story about a 3rd shark attack in 2 days at “popular swimming spot Shark Beach”

cool name why’s it called that

[doing backing vocals for Sam Cooke] Science Book

thumbnail for the movie Rear View Mirror featuring a side view mirror

wrong

What is the first Chick fil A ad campaign?

What is a vibraphone?

Two announcers, Jason Garrett and Dan Hicks, stand in front of a sign that reads "Big Turd" thanks to how they are blocking it

Not sure the folks at NBC/Peacock thought this one through

Who is the owner of magic shop Laz'R'Us?

Running away to join the circus is the work experience equivalent of going to clown college

Bare minimum for holding a conversation: McDichael, Dustice, Sweemey, Gride, Archideld, Dourque, Smorin, Furcotte, McSriff, Wesrey, Mixon, Truk, McRlwain, Rortugal, Chamgerlain, Sandaele, Nogilny, Dandleton, Smehrik, Sernandez, Dugnutt and Bonzalez

cooler door with LCD screens that show pictures of what is behind the door

little kid holding up the toy he got for christmas to show Grandma

CTRL-C

CTRL-V-V-V-V

jordan peterson sobbing and red, recounting his experience with one of those turkish ice cream guys

i have significant moral qualms with cloth mother, but we have to stop wire mother

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

Hi 🥰

Jury nullification!! This is not a crime!

My crystal ball says I'm very handsome