I would be more patient if it didn’t take forever.

people often criticize a dog and pony show but frankly, i think that sounds kind of neat

Started my day off with a healthy dose of micro plastics.

Lol… Maybe, but it is the bass player always messing up the tribute… it’s always the bass player

It’s been 14,600 days since I last used trigonometry

How in the hell does a tribute band pay tribute to another tribute band?

No babe, I’m pretty sure you’re the opposite of nonchalant

I love that humans are still better at dancing like robots than actual robots

I said what I said

- me, forgetting what I said

Reality is pretty much just a prank show at this point

I can only try to answer those questions

These guys are fire. I hope they visit earth again someday

This seems reasonable

There’s got to be a perfect emotion to go with 7 coffees

my sister got a job as the assistant to an incompetent magician and now she’s my half sister

Why anyone would put a Salt Life sticker rather than a Slut Life sticker on the rear window of their vehicle is beyond me

The other 11 months have joined the month of March in its madness

Your hair is the same color as my dining room walls

I’m unstoppable unless it’s too much work.

If I ever went to a rodeo, it would be my first

i hope you get lucky today :)

avoid life, make art, pour green beer over an asshole’s head which I guess is still art if you do not get caught

I'm not wearing any green.
*slow wink

Fingers crossed your time is still standing!

Me: I’m so sleepy
My Brain: How did the first person know to drink water?

Still waiting on a motherfucker to tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

My posts are always on the clearance rack

You’re kinda like a wifi signal, not absolutely necessary, but nice to have around