Doing a boomerang of the cum coming in and out of my dick

Looking at a urinal packed full of Zyns and pubic hair “is this ai?”

Imagine getting to hang out with Sheryl Crow in a bar one day and showing her all your cool match burning tricks and then later you found out she wrote a song about you and you’re all pumped up and excited and put it on and she straight up calls you “plain ugly to me” 😭😭😭

Shrek👏knows👏where👏the👏clit👏is👏

My father always said “Boy, one day you’re gonna have to get stabbed by a deaf grease truck driver that you have been assaulting and cornering in an Indianapolis alleyway. But that’s part of what being a man is all about.”

Never knew what that really meant before now.

I’m such a hoe knight I went to Camelot and Camealot 💦

When I die I hope I get reincarnated as a golden retriever that gets to lick peanut butter of my owners genitals

I’ve cummed my entire body weight in cum since I started cumming

I know this because it congealed itself back together in the sewer pipes

It then formed my exact cum double in man form and tried to fight me

I won

Obviously

The last time Halliburton dropped a bomb that big was in Iraq

Watching a beautiful woman eat a delicious looking meal only to turn around and turn it into a huge steaming pile of crap is honestly shlocking and disturbing ITS TIME FOR THE PATRIARCHY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!

There’s a non zero chance the pope prayed for god to help the White Sox win the 2005 World Series and god said okay sure

Me: shit bro I was mixing lsd, mdma, mushrooms, k, coke, all night long baby know what im sayin?!

Literally God aka Alpha/Omega: oh shit for real?! Nice bro!

Me: ya then I came so hard my heart exploded

God: oh man lol, ya saw that, too funny, anyway ima send you back as a armadillo, huge cocks

I bet I’d love heroin and I’d be really good at it

Currently getting escorted off of Disney premises cause I “sexually harassed” a cast member

But Mrs incredible’s ass was 100% foam so that shouldn’t even count!

BULLSHIT

Me when I see sport guy do bad: “pathetic”

Me when I see smart guy be dumb: “pathetic”

Me when I see porn guy make small cum: “pathetic”

Don’t ever look bad in front of me or else

What if ladies could eat the cum that goes into their pussies like their uterus was a stomach in a pinch if they were really hungry…

I’ve been informed calling my ops fans “gay retards” isn’t helping the situation

I opened my third eye and pulled back the vail of reality to view myself from a distance

My boner looks so small from up here

I was watching a beautiful young woman pick her nose next to me at a red light

She didn’t know anyone was watching

But I was

It felt so voyeuristic and perverse

She really went deep

Finally she noticed me staring and panicking ran the red light

Don’t know what happened to the booger

I’m shit maxing to my full potential now!
I am crushing BLOCKS of cheddar!
Doing FULL shits that take HOURS to push out!
ROCK HARD THE WHOLE TIME
When you shit max you should be cumming to!

Also fyi I am no longer associated with any piss maxing groups DO NOT ask about it you will be blocked!

Been saving all my cum in a bucket AS A JOKE to use in an elaborate prank..

but as the years have gone on I’ve become really attached to my cum bucket and I don’t think I can just throw it all away on an unsuspecting target…

Any advice would be great, it’s starting to smell BAD!

Call me puritanical but if my olives aren’t extra virgin then I’m not gonna fuck them!

I would literally just kick Nosferatu’s ass it would be so easy for me

Elves are so stoic and pretentious like fuck off who the fuck do you think you fucking are you fucking fucks

Drew breeze got that scar from eating pussy

Santa Claus is cummin?!?

When the Americans take over Canada will we all be forced to wear our shoes inside our homes?

“I am the CEO killer!”
“No I am the CEO killer!”
“No I am the CEO killer!”

More dead CEOs please lmao

The White Castle drive thru now starts with an EULA…

They want permission to record your voice for use with their AI…

I wish Harold and Kumar would have burned that shithole to the ground