having a yearner boyfriend after dating a string of losers and loserettes feels like getting into a freshly made bed

Need a W so bad I’m eating M&Ms upside down

Everybody thinks 'https:// stands for 'hypertext transfer protocol secure' but it actually stands for 'head to this place, sucka' followed by a colon and two laser sounds

keep getting an ad for google gemini that’s a guy asking it “why is this man following me” and it says “that is your shadow” and like yeah that IS the way most people seem to use ai on the daily i suppose

DEVO were correct when they said it’s a beautiful world we live in

people love declaring its a full moon without sparing a thought for the waxing gibbous

people on ozempic are always telling me that drinking monster is going to ruin my insides

genuinely think it might be one of the best satires ever made. so concise and thoughtful AND it has jesse ventura, insane set pieces and is so much FUN????

not sure i'll ever be able to forgive everyone who told me The Running Man (1987) was some stupid throwaway action movie

unalivin la vida loca

“how’re you gonna say sorry to the person who discovers your body? after all, you just murdered their friend” i feel like i’ve been punched in the throat

boyfriend has been trying to get me into militarie gun so i finally listened to their new album and im afraid to say it fucking bangs

homer’s half moon spectacles mean so much to me

weight lifting for one reason and one reason only: to make middle aged men tell me i’m a savage

hip thrusted 183% of my bodyweight for three reps and did 2 pulldowns at 137% tonight if any of you even care btw

have a sick little nailbed bruise brewing (bolted out of bed at midnight last night convinced someone was yelling to get into the street because of a fire and closed my finger in a door before waking up properly in the living room)

need to wear my glasses because im sick and it feels like my brain is trying to escape via my eye sockets but also want to lie on my side for the next six hours

having a wedge of baked brie with honey for dinner like the fancy rodent i've always wanted to be

sobbed over philip seymour hoffman calling himself a fucking idiot in Boogie Nights he’s not an idiot he’s a sweet boy !!!!!

want to watch a movie but also read a book and more importantly stare at the ceiling until my eyes crust over

taylor swift lyrics read like they were spat out by a rupi kaur poem generator

Elton John voice:
It seems to me / that you lived your life/ like a fuckin piece of shit

dude im dating made me prove that i know all the words to six bloodhound gang songs and applauded after i rhymed off each one

he was a champion of free speech and if you disagree youre under arrest

three months later and i’m dating a man who brings me bread and cookies he’s baked and sends me playlists with notes on why he’s included each song and tells me i’m cool and interesting and radiant. much to think about

im like if a woman drank three pints on an empty stomach

This.

how it feels to kiss a man an inch shorter than you

$500m in revenue - not profit! - for the one Microsoft ai product people actually like. Pathetic!

Also back in 2023 the WSJ reported that Microsoft lost $20 for every $10 copilot a month subscriber. Amazing stuff everybody

www.tomshardware.com/news/microso...