Tim Apple has been replaced by John Apple. Steve Apple unavailable for comment.

🎵War, what is it good for?🎵 Well, only 12 points as a starter word in Scrabble.

THIS is how I find out! Why is the news not covering this...

Russia is apparently giving target information to Iran on US forces. As punishment, Trump has allowed Putin an oil deal with India.

Bold move....let's see if it pays off

Stop the small flights! Due to a bit of instability near their “home” countries, the UK is expecting an influx of desperate poor decision makers into the UK. Starmer’s regime is even laying flights on for these toerags who c...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/stop-th...

Some people are sayin' they should be shot from the sky.... that'll learn em

"Iran. I ran? No Iran, you run, Iran. Run Iran run....gimme another margarita, I am literally killing this."

Iran's Supreme Leader and top generals were killed in a single missile strike on his compound.
Annoyingly for them, that meeting could have been an email.

Fair point.

Yes. Literally no one else likes him. He will forever be alone.

Starmer: "I'll think we'll stay out of this one, as Trump said about Afghanistan, our UK armed forces won't contribute much anyway."

Carefully places mic on floor and strolls away from podium as Trump explodes UK economy behind him.

When Pete Hegseth says "No stupid rules of engagement", he means cheating on his fiancée.

Also war crimes.

Americans haven't bombed this hard in the middle east since the Riyadh comedy festival.....too soon?.....jeez, tough crowd...

Some people are saying...due to a mix up in group chats, Hegseth's request for a "furry pic" resulted in him getting "Epic Fury" instead

It's called Operation EPIC FURY, here's what they rejected... Rejected names for the US “War/Award Winning Peace Deal” with Iran: • Operation Rock Hard Justice • Operation Suck My Freedom • Operation Spurting Democracy • Operation Lets Murder Dem (Racial Slur Re...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/it-s-ca...

I got the full list off of Hegseth's group chat...

Hey fiction writers, if you want a really funny storyline, how about a corrupt country that keeps messing up invasions by betting on when it is going to carry out its own surprise attack? Other countries just watch the odds...wow, that would be so lame...

2026 World Cup to have new exciting USA First Format The tournament will be the first to feature 48 teams for the simple reason of extorting money from fans. It will be a very simple set up involving less than 1,000 games. Iran have qualified for the ...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/2026-wo...

Thanks for that war update....now let's have a look at the sport...

Some people are saying, with tears in their eyes, that Trump has promised to welcome and house in America every single refugee fleeing from a destabilised Iran.

We simply do not deserve him.

Hannah Spencer sucks teeth and mutters, 'Which cowboy was in here before me?' 'Whoever did this… Christ on a bike…. this is taking the piss to be honest. I’d say the whole lot has to come out and skipped.'

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/hannah-...
Green energy is good

Conservative Gofundme to get to their byelection deposit back is now at £7.50. Way short of their £500 target.

Jeez… over 800,000 “views”, she must be making more than me just tweeting from prison. She could probably retire in 2032, when she is expected to be released...

Getting a grip on Auto-Rhetorical fixation...

This review technique of political vehicles needs a name, best I've got is "Carpoolitics"

NewsBiscuit Car Review: The F-Rage (Independent supplier) Just appalling. This appears to be a one-off vanity project which is more of a concept rather than a practical solution to peoples actual needs.

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I should've made the lights further apart but at least they are different sizes

NewsBiscuit Car Review: Kemi Torileda The American influence is obvious, and a reliance on out of date thinking and an appeal to a narrowing market has a led to this mess. Multiple poor iterations have resulted in a massive loss of power ...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/newsbis...

NewsBiscuit Car Review: The all new Keir Stormer There were high expectations on this new model, in this case SiR Stormer. The build up to the launch was preceded by genuine positive expectations, however it turns out that this version is a bit of a...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/newsbis...
Just from the post I made about the new "Kia" Stormer, I am now the unofficial NewsBiscuit motoring correspondent

There's probably a massage parlour that would make bank using that sign if it's not in a bin

Rats annoyed about being linked with billionaire scumbags “Look, this has got to stop, we have a bad enough reputation as it is, but please stop linking us with awful elitist bellends just because of name similarity. We get it, we are associated with loads o...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/rats-an...
A statement from an aggrieved spokesrat.

Trump has accepted the Dementia Awareness Award three times today. To genuine surprise each time.

I bet Starmer is grateful that Ratcliffe has colonised the news cycle.

According to the internet, which is never wrong, Anne Chickenstalker was a kind hearted shopkeeper from the Dickens story "The Chimes"